Not all Running is Good for You

Over the past few days, I have been in a bit of a mood. I have been overly anxious and a bit cranky; many of my 'go-to' things weren't working. The activities that usually 'fill up my bucket' weren't helping me improve my mood. Then I realized I was in run mode. What is run mode?

Run mode is when you have something big in your life that you aren't facing. Maybe it is a significant stressor or sadness. Maybe it is a conflict or a fear. It can be something relatively small, but your mind convinces you that it is HUGE and you need to run. You run from thing to thing, from activity to activity, looking for something to fill the hole to fill the anxiety created by this stressor. Some signs of run mode for me are: nothing satisfies me, a tendency to be anxious and critical (of self and others), and a fear of being alone, so I book myself up with activities. I run from myself. 

Sometimes if you are good at it (like I am), you can put your stressor energy onto something completely unrelated like your relationship, children, friends. You might start a fight with a partner because you know it is 'safe .' You can put all your stress energy into that fight. The KEY is to face the fear, anger, conflict, sadness, not to run from it. The first key is to notice that you are in run mode at all. For example, yesterday, as I was driving home and realized I had an entire evening of no plans, I went into a cold sweat. Because I usually look forward to an evening of no plans, I immediately knew that something was wrong, and I realized, 'hey, I am in run mode.' At first, you might not catch yourself in run mode until days later, or it will be one day later, and then it will be in the moment. The goal is to catch yourself before you do too much collateral damage. Once you catch yourself in run mode, then the goal is to figure out what is stressing you, what is the source: a conflict, anger, sadness.

First, it is helpful to get quiet with yourself, journal, take a walk, or talk to a friend. In essence, the goal is to do the opposite of what you really want to do: stop running and face yourself. But the beauty is once you stop running and face the issue, it becomes much less powerful. Once you express the emotions you have been running from (e.g., cry, scream, yell, etc.), you will wonder why you have spent all that time running. This is a powerful and challenging process. As I said, I have been working on this issue for years--spiraling up. It is one of those that we need to stay aware of. Much of the everyday anxiety we feel is because we are in run mode--we are trying to avoid something that might be negative, so we create anxiety around other things to keep the stress/conflict at bay. It might feel counter-intuitive, but we Live Happier when we can face our emotions and not default to run mode. What are your run mode symptoms? What tends to be your trigger for run mode (conflict, anger, sadness)?