This weekend for a variety of reasons, my ‘monger’ came out to play. Not necessarily with a message of fear just the generally negative voice that pops up every now and then and spreads messages of despair, fear and negativity. That negative voice that comes out to play from time to time. To be honest she hadn’t payed me a visit in quite some time. But she did hang out this weekend.
The concept that constantly amazes me about the mongers whether they be fear, doubt, insecurity or shame is how easily they can come in and take residency. I love the term monger because it so accurately describes these voices–someone who spreads negative propaganda to get you to go there way. In reality that is what these voices are doing, feeding us negative propaganda to keep us safe, keep us contained and protect us from getting hurt. But in their desire to keep us so protected they end up hurting us—like an overprotective parent who can love too much.
The most amazing part about the monger voices is how comfortable they feel how easily they go unnoticed. It wasn’t until almost 24 hours in to the visit that I really recognized she was there She hid herself in birthday celebrations and other events.
So many books are written on facing your fears, and dealing with the gremlins of our lives. Awesome useful books. But I would argue the first step is even RECOGNIZING you have a gremlin or a fear the that has taken up residence in your brain.
It sounds counter intuitive but in so many ways my monger is safe and comfortable. Like an old sweater that feels so soft but after you wear it you realize it is thin and baggy and has holes in it and it really isn’t that warm. So too are the mongers, they come in as our friends feeding us comfort and safety but in reality their job is to keep us stuck in our old patterns. Feeling sorry for ourselves, holding old grudges, reopening old wounds just so we can obsess about them all over again.
These tapes and voices are so familiar I hardly recognize them as mongers until well into my “monger pattern” which for me is to disengage (e.g.watch TV, play computer games and over eat.) My monger disguised this laziness in “it’s your birthday do whatever you want”. My mongers loves to convince me to just hang, be lazy, disconnect, shut down down tune out. And then she goes to town…wooing me with her words of negativity and insecurity. Until 24 hours in I am done for–too sloth like to wage any type of battles.
But this weekend was different, this weekend I dealt with my monger in a new way. Yes, it took me a while to recognize the old pattern (honestly over 24 hours) but when I did I had a little chat with my monger..telling her how it was going to be different. The changes were incremental–but they were there. I stopped obsessing over old wounds and beating myself up over situations long past. I thanked my mongers for showing up, listened briefly to their message and then asked them to seek refuge elsewhere. I then got up off the couch and re-engaged with life.
This weekend was a wonderful reminder to me of how left unchecked our mongers can woo us into submission. They can keep us safe and accepting second best. It is through this awareness of how often our mongers is taking up residency that true change can come. So this week I challenge you to really stop and listen. Pay attention…how often does your monger speak to you..what is your ‘monger pattern’ (activities you engage in when the monger has won). I am not saying LISTEN to the voices, necessarily, but merely noticing them and the patterns they cause. Knowing these signs and patterns is step one in making lasting change in decreasing the hold and power of the Monger.