A theme that keeps popping up is the idea that we need the Monger to motivate us. We need that mean, nasty voice reminding us how we could be a better person or how we could be more efficient if only we accomplished more. When we hear the word kindness, we think–oh no, I can’t […]
For people with High Functioning Anxiety, we have built much of our lives on these two factors: Our Monger has convinced us we know nothing; we are flawed and wrong and continuously need correction. Because we are so flawed, we have must look outside for the answers. It has become habitual to discount our internal […]
Last week I wrote that listen, learn, make corrections is my new motto. I heard that somewhere on social media and absolutely loved it. Not just in relation to what is happening in our larger world with the protests and the societal realizations around systemic racism, but in my day to day life. Listen, learn, make corrections is […]
When I first started counseling people, I was a fan of simple fixes and actionable strategies, which totally fits the profile of someone with high functioning anxiety. Get in, get it taken care of, get out. However, the more I do this work with shame, mongers, and high functioning anxiety, the more I am amazed […]
I just can’t get over what a strange time we are living in. I mean, totally strange. It is a holiday weekend for goodness sake and it doesn’t even feel like it, maybe because it has rained non-stop here for days, but mostly because there are no pools opening, no picnics planned, no graduations, no […]
This week has been particularly challenging for a variety of reasons, both physically and emotionally. My friend has texted me every day to see how I am doing and to remind me to be kind to myself. When I read her text yesterday and saw the “be kind” sentiment, I thought yeah, yeah, yeah… be […]
A few months ago, when I would ask clients or friends, “How are you doing?” the answer would be some version of “You know, as good as can be expected.” or “Hanging in there.” But these days, when I ask that question, the response is something like, “Ugh, I am done. So overwhelmed, exhausted, and […]
Earlier this week, I had a really great day. I had a few work successes and some amazing conversations. All and all it was a good day, but I have to confess, good days are hard for me. Celebrating a win without naming where I can improve is challenging. As I was cooking dinner, I […]
She holds the goals of your Monger (to be safe and secure) without shaming and belittling you. She provides the support and encouragement of your BFF (“you are awesome”) without giving you a free pass to do whatever you want.
Your Biggest Fan always has your back, acknowledges your feelings, can see options, is wise about the struggle, and uses your values as guiding principles.
Years ago when I started teaching about the Monger and ‘that negative voice in my head’ I would spend a lot of time talking about the Monger and never talked about the counter to the Monger, what I now call the Biggest Fan. Truthfully, this is because my Biggest Fan’s voice was so quiet and […]