It always fascinates me that within my life and especially within my private practice there tend to be themes. Lately a theme has been dealing with toxic people. One of the by-products of spiraling up, making changes and learning how to live happier is you also learn the identity of your real friends vs the globbers. The globbers is my name for the people who glob on to you, who are filled with drama and insecurity. They really just need you to be the person who listens, counsels and generally makes them feel better about themselves. Globbers are the people who do NOTHING but drain your bucket.
Globbers don’t really care about you and in fact, when you start learning new things and growing their insecurities tend to sky rocket causing them to lash out and be down right mean. Globbers don’t really want you to succeed, they don’t really want you to be happy in fact they just want you to be the host upon which they can glob on to. Wow, you say, that is harsh. Harsh, but true, my friend. When I first started my ‘live happier journey’ as I call it, it was a harsh, painful reality to realize most of my friends fit into the globber role. In fact, my life was filled with them. The period of time of losing the globbers and building new friends who loved and supported me was a hard and difficult one.
However, I know now, that losing those friends was a wonderful blessing. Sorting the wheat from the chaff, if you will. Over the long haul you really just want the people who believe in you and celebrate you in your life.
So inevitably what happens is someone comes into my office or attends one of my seminars who is learning what they value, and need and starting to live happier. However, they have surrounded themselves with globbers who masked as friends. We are usually attracted to these globbers because they are fun and mindless. They keep us occupied with drama and allow us to stay unfocused on our own lives as much as possible. Once we start on our live happier journeys we actually want to be focused on our own stuff, we are actually curious about ourselves and want to engage in activities that we enjoy. And we really, bless our hearts, want the globbers to join with us, we want them to see and feel how much better it is to have REAL conversations and engage in REAL activities not just drama. But the globbers just don’t have it in them, it is just not possible for them to engage in that behavior, yet. So if we are to continue we have to let them go. We have to release the globbers and find new supportive friends.
During my journey, I realized I had real friends there all along, I just hadn’t noticed because the globbers were taking too much of my time. Once I recognized that I wanted real, genuine friendships I also recognized it wasn’t about quantity it was about quality. A few years ago I had A LOT of friends, I was busy all the time, so my life looked fun and exciting. In reality, I was just running, from my pain, from myself from any real connection. So I surrounded myself with globbers who allowed me to remain in run mode. When I started spiraling up and realized I needed to release the globbers my life became very different. Now I am not afraid to be alone, I am not afraid to have real genuine conversations. So my friend pool is smaller but Oh so much deeper.
The transition of living happier can be a challenging one at times. It is hard to recognize we have been on the run and the people and activities we needed before are not what we need now. That is ok. You will get through it. I promise, it will be worth the process of weeding out the globbers and adding in the friends who support you.
So today I want you to look at your friend pool–Is it shallow but packed with globbers? Are you in transition? Or is it deep and small filled with quality friend who know and love you no matter what?