A Letter from Your Biggest Fan

In talking with clients, checking in with myself, and observing social media, the one thing that is consistent these days is that our Mongers have been L.O.U.D. Belittling, berating, and shaming. She has been on the warpath.

Too often we take that voice as truth, so today I wanted to share another perspective. The voice inside of you that is probably a little quieter, the voice of the Biggest Fan. The wise, kind voice of grace and understanding.

Dear Sweet Pea –

Wow. These are scary times, huh? So much insecurity and doubt. It feels like no one knows what is going on and all this uncertainty is just making everything bigger and scarier. I see you hustling, pushing, and trying to out-run your anxiety. You push push push all day, soothing everyone else’s needs, being the responsible one, the adult in the room.

But sometimes that gets old, doesn’t it? Sometimes you want someone else to pick up the “responsibility baton,” right? But let’s be honest, only if they follow all your rules and do it exactly right… Ha! Those rules. You have been clinging tightly to those rules, haven’t you? Even though you know those rules lead to black and white thinking that gives lots of ammunition for that damn Monger.

Let’s slow down for one second. Yes, I know you absolutely DO NOT want to. I know you are afraid to stop moving. But give me one second and let’s slow down. I promise it won’t be as scary as you think.

Take a breath. A big breath. Inhale. Exhale. Stretch your hands up to the sky. (Go ahead, I promise it will feel good!) Now bend over and touch your toes. Stretch your neck and feel your shoulders loosen. Inhale. Exhale.

These are scary times. There are a lot of unknowns. AND you can’t keep pushing. It just isn’t sustainable. I get it. It feels good. It feels like you are doing something and that in and of itself is better than the alternative…feeling all of that anxiety.

But here’s the secret I know you don’t quite believe yet: You can handle this.

One day at a time. One hour at a time. One second at a time. You can handle this. We can make our way through.

When you feel the overwhelm settle in, when you feel the panic creep up, when you start obsessing about the groceries or find yourself telling your husband how to do something he already knows how to do, put your hands over your heart, feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breath, and say, “Hey Sweetpea” (or whatever term of endearment works for you) and I will be there. I might be a whisper, especially compared to that Monger’s voice, but I am there, reminding you to slow down, do the next right thing, and keep going.

Berating yourself doesn’t help. It is just where you go when the stress gets too much. So when you finally hear that Monger voice, she has probably been talking most of the day. Telling you that you are doing it wrong, your boss is mad at you, or you are a terrible Mom for losing patience with your kids. Tell her we aren’t going there and then put your hands over your heart, feel your feet on the ground, take a deep breath, and say, “Hey sweetpea” and I will be there with a calm, kind voice asking you what’s the next thing you need.

Just in case you missed it, notice I didn’t say need to do. I said NEED. Period. What’s the next thing you need? Maybe it is something to do, but maybe it is a glass of water, to take a walk, to get a hug, to sit down and watch Netflix, to reach out to a friend. You don’t have to be doing to be valuable. You don’t have to know all of the answers to be valuable. You don’t have to be the responsible one to be valuable. You are valuable no matter what.

You got this.

Always here with kindness and wisdom,

Your Biggest Fan

Want more support like this? Check out my Biggest Fan Mad-lib.

New on The Happier Approach podcast

This week on the podcast, we are continuing the conversation on avoidance and anxiety with one of my personal favorite vices: social media. And as you can imagine, it has only gotten worse in recent weeks with the shelter in place orders.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Joining me on the episode is Bailey Parnell, founder & CEO of SkillsCamp, and we are sharing a truly eye-opening conversation about how we engage in avoidance through social media. When Bailey noticed her own abuse of social media, she decided to research and learn more about the issue and her 5-step approach to reducing our social media is unique and very doable. Check it out on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or over here.