Episode 133: The Value of Self-Loyalty

Devoted, constant, and committed – all my clients would list loyalty as one of their highest values.

Loyalty to their mothers, fathers, spouses, kids, friends, work, and the world in general.

They are the listeners, supporters, lovers, givers, cheerleaders, and fans. They are the caregivers for their aging parents. They are the backbone of their families, relationships, and workplaces.

The dark side of this loyalty to others is the exhaustion, the never-ending to-do list, the never feeling good enough, whole enough, satisfied enough. 

The anxiety.

All this month we are exploring the unique values of someone with High Functioning Anxiety and how they silently struggle with these values. 

Last week we talked with Brittany Berger about anxiety and productivity. This week I am talking about how those of us with HFA value loyalty.  

Here is the irony: some of the kindest, gentlest, giving people in the world never quite feel kind, gentle or giving enough.

Want to know why?

They are so busy devoting themselves to make sure their family and friends are heard, supported, and cared for they bypass themselves.

They have been trained to care for everyone else but themselves. 

This is something I have struggled with personally. I love caring for people. I pride myself on my loyalty, I love being there for those closest to me, and I know it has come at a price. A price of exhaustion and stress. 

Today I want to talk about how to get off that hamster wheel of stress.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

  • When we don’t have loyalty to ourselves we are constantly looking outside of ourselves for direction.
  • How the Monger lies to us by saying “take care of everyone else and then you will have peace.”
  • How we can stretch our loyalty to include ourselves and not just others. 


During the pandemic, I’ll be offering a mini version of my Voxer work. Nothing too intense. Nothing too coachy. Just a chance for you to vent, talk about what’s most pressing, and have a neutral third party on the phone for right now. 

I’m calling it Coach In Your Pocket: Just Checking In Version.

Rather than a 3-month commitment to you completely regroup on your anxiety, Coach In Your Pocket: Just Checking In Version is a simple monthly program geared to help you stay sane during this time. 

Voxer is an app you can download to your phone for free that allows you to record a message to me and then I can respond to you during my office hours.

Helping people with High Functioning Anxiety is a personal mission for me. I have a special place in my heart for this struggle because it’s both something I dealt with unknowingly for years, and because it silently affects so many people who think this is just how it is. 

Working with me this way is an incredibly efficient and effective way to deal with your anxiety in the moment–without waiting for your next appointment.

I have been doing this work for over 20 years and Coach in Your Pocket is the most effective and most life-changing work I have ever done. My clients are consistently blown away by how these daily check-ins combined with the monthly face-to-face video meetings create slow, lasting changes that reprogram their High Functioning Anxiety tendencies over time.

We meet once a month for a face-to-face session via a secure video chat, and then throughout the entire three months, you have access to me anytime you are feeling anxious, having a Monger attack, celebrating a win, or just need to check-in, and I will respond to you during my office hours (Monday through Friday, 9 am – 6 pm EST).

Ready to get started? Email me: and we’ll set up a free 30-minute consultation to see if this process is a good fit for you.