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Frequently on party invitations from friends I will see the phrase your presence is your present. Which is a lovely statement for all of life. Most of the time we just need people to show up for us. To be present to our both our doubts and fears as well as our victories and celebrations. We want to come up with something brilliant or wise to say but in reality it is our presence that is healing. I believe it is our ability to show up and stand with someone as they move through life’s challenges and tribulations.
Friends and I were just venting the other day about the trite sayings well meaning people put forth in time of stress: “You are strong, you will get through this”, “This too shall pass”, “There are people way worse off then you”, “I knew someone that went through that….” etc. As I said people are well meaning, I think we feel a pressure or a social norm to SAY or DO something. To fill the space, or move past the uncomfortable feelings. But in reality if we can pause and just be present with the other person we are truly giving them a gift. We are allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable to those we are close to without saying a word.
When someone is struggling or in pain, we want to HELP we want to DO something. It just doesn’t feel enough to show up and be with them. But allowing someone who is going through one of life’s valleys to just be themselves to be sad, angry, happy, busy or bored. To accept them where they are and how they are reacting is such a gift. To hold off on the advice, sayings or personal examples and allow them to have their own space is an amazing act of love and respect. And then to be able to give ourselves that same gift. To allow ourselves to have the space to experience our emotional lives and our thoughts as the come. I believe, we can only be present and show up to others when we can show up to ourselves.
So this week practice showing up. Allowing your presence to be your present.