Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?

Your Inner Critic, Lovingly Show it the Door

Your driving in the car and you hear something chattering away:

“you should have worked out today, why didn’t you grab a turkey sandwich rather than a hamburger,  you need to call your mom, you don’t call her enough, you suck as a driver, you are terrible mom” and On and On and On.

No, you aren’t ‘hearing voices’ that is THE VOICE.  I call it the Fear Monger.  It is the voice inside your head that plays all day long.  Whether you listen or not it just keeps playing there.  The voice will always be there, can’t get rid of it. We CAN minimize the control it has on our lives and the level to which is keeps us stuck and fearful.

Here are 3 tips to giving less power to the voice.

  • Notice it.  Many of us aren’t even aware that the voice is playing there.  Just pick 5 minutes and try to sit quietly….yep, overwhelming chatter.  Or as you fix dinner, just notice what the voice is saying. Just notice the running commentary, without judgment notice how much your voice plays and what it says to you.
  • Realize you don’t have to believe it.  Somewhere we were sold the idea that WE are the VOICE. Therefore whatever the voice is saying it is TRUTH.  I am hear to tell you that is wrong.  The voice is coming from within us but we have a choice as to whether we engage with it or not.  The voice is merely one part of us.  Slowly just start noticing the voice as a neutral observer. Pay attention to it as if you were watching TV or listening to a 3rd party.
  • Begin to separate yourself from the VOICE.  Once you build awareness around the voice, you can start to notice when it tends to turn up the volume, when it tends to get more persistent and more negative.  I bet, you will notice the voice gets louder the more you challenge your norms, push your boundaries and start something new.

Some people say the voice is the ego.  Some say it is the devil.  It doesn’t matter what we call it, it matters how we treat it.  The VOICE is a part of us, I believe it is the part of us that is trying to protect us, keep us small and safe.  But a life that is full and rich and happier isn’t small and safe.  To live our best lives, we need to push out of our comfort zones, we need to get our Fear Monger riled up….that is how we know we are on to something good!!!

If we start to war against the voice we are wasting our energy because we are in essence warring against ourselves.  When we can see the voice as a third party we can begin to separate it from ourselves.  Thank it for visiting and kindly show it the door.  The voice is one part of us; sometimes it can be the loudest part.  But remember we also we have our intuition, our kindness, our patience and our love.

Build Awareness. Separate Ownership. Choose what you want to believe.  Lovingly show it the door.

This summer, I have had a lot of personal experience with the voice.   After much debate, I decided to change the focus of my practice career counseling to life counseling. I realized career counseling just looks at one small portion of our lives. I believe, to really engage in the work we love we need to look at our whole lives.  We need to look at our: relationships, goals, lifestyle, beliefs, attitudes, fears and thoughts.

So my voice has been full of questions, negativity and potential pitfalls.  But here I am.  I designed my own new site (check it out here) and I am looking forward to helping you Live Happier.

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