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Recently a client of mine, Amy* lamented, “I just don’t know when I ended up a soccer mom”. She quickly qualified it with, “I love my kids, I love my husband, I even love soccer…but I never once visualized myself being a stereotypical soccer mom, yet here I am”.
I know Amy is not alone in that lament–I have heard it quite frequently in my office. The words are not always the same but often clients are saying “I don’t know how I ended up here: working for ‘the man’, in a miserable marriage, in this life (whatever it may be).
No matter what the label might be. Many people wake up one day, thinking how did I get here?. As if they had been sleepwalking through their life decisions and plans. As my client said, “I wanted this life, I made the choices to get here–just didn’t see it quite like this” The common theme among all of these people is that they lost their realness. They got so caught up in the day to day, checking things off the list, accomplishing the next thing they forgot to regularly check in with what THEY wanted to do next. We get so caught up in reacting to life we lose our realness.
Believe me it is easy to do! Easy to get so caught up in the day to day life you forget you are actually living it. To get so caught up in packing lunches, activities, work, marriage etc. you forget to check in with yourself from time to time to say, hey is this what I want my life to look like.
Amy’s lament about being a soccer mom is nothing against being a mom or soccer. She just wanted more from her life than shuttling her kids around from game to game. She wanted closer relationships than the ones she was forming with the other mothers who she had nothing in common with other than their kids played soccer. She was missing her old life before kids with real conversations, and fancy dinners and last minute getaways. As she said, “I know I am romanticizing that old life but I do miss it because I was more ME than.”
When I simply said, “why don’t you add some of you into being a mom now. You could plan some fancy dinners, make time for real conversations and plan some getaways?” She said with a laugh, “You know I never thought of that–I could be a soccer mom who is hip and does fancy dinners”.
The hard part about the question “how did I end up a soccer mom?” is that it demands that you pause and take a good hard look at your life. And with that pause, there might be some pain in admitting you lost yourself a bit. There might be some discomfort in holding both positions of I love my life and I have lost myself in this life too. The good part is that once you can sit in that pain, once you stop running from it and start looking at the big picture of your life real change can happen. You can start slowly adding things in that are more “you”. You can put yourself as a priority from time to time. You can start getting real with yourself and your life.
If you haven’t already I HIGHLY recommend you download the Live Happier 101 Mini-Course. It is a great place to start getting to know YOU again.
I would love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below. What would you like to see more of in your life? What are you surprised about in your life? What did you not think you would ever end up being?
*Amy’s name has been changed and she gave me permission to write this story so others could relate and grow too.
For those living in Central Ohio, next Thursday the 25th I will be speaking at the Women who Wine event at Wyandotte Winery. For the cost of $20 you get 2 glasses of wine, hor d’ourves and a presentation by me on Simple Ways to Live Happier. Advanced registration is required. To register or for more information go to: http://www.wyandottewinery.com/scripts/eventPg.cfm/_/431/Women-Who-Wine/
Hope to see you there!.