Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?
A few weeks ago one of my clients was sharing how she had been waking up each morning and asking herself what do you REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT? She had seen it on an Oprah episode and had found it interesting. As she asked herself the question each morning she would make note of what came up for her. Most of the time it wasn’t a big or life changing want but more of a small want; like I want to do yoga more frequently or I want to eat pizza for breakfast.
The part of the exercise she found most interesting was just in asking the question. The natural pause that the question caused. No matter how many times she asked the question, she said there was always a moment of “huh” and then she was usually surprised by the response. As she asked and answered the question she started to learn more about herself and what was important to her. The question seems so basic, so ‘duh’ but when you are trying to figure out how to live a life of intentionality and meaning asking yourself these types of questions can really help.
I have found personally asking this question in times of conflict with another person has helped me get clear on what is really going on. If I am having a disagreement with a friend or colleague or even my nearest and dearest I will pause and ask myself ok what do I really really really want out of this situation. (Sometimes that pause comes in the middle of the conflict sometimes it comes at the end) Most of the time my answer isn’t what I am fighting for or even asking for–most of the time I am somewhat stunned by the answer. Honestly, what I really really really want is usually possible but the vulnerability around asking for it is too much. So I put up a number of smoke screens in the conflict rather than go through the vulnerability to ask for what I really really really want. When I ask the question and can ask for the answer the conflict usually dissipates relatively quickly.
Whenever I am stuck, feeling overwhelmed or just curious I will ask myself ok what do you really, really, really want and the response usually surprises me. Not necessarily that I need to act on that want in the moment..but it allows for the pause and brings a certain level of clarity to the moment.
So today just ask yourself, what do you REALLY REALLY REALLY want out of your day, your life or just the moment? You might be surprised by the answer.