Download a free chapter of my new book: The Happier Approach
Lately, I have been obsessed with the music of Sara Bareliis. She has been around for awhile but only a recent addition to my play list. My tendency is to find new songs/artists and put them on repeat until I grow so sick of the song I can’t remember why I liked it in the first place 😉 This song is currently on repeat.
In order to warrant the repeat status a song needs to have a good beat AND have good lyrics. This song “King of Anything” definitely fits both conditions. One line in particular gives me chills: (marker 2:02 in the video above)
All my life
To make everybody happy while I
Waitin’ for someone to tell me it’s my turn
Ah, yes—can I get an amen…the very common yet dangerous mix of people pleasing and making everybody happy and while simultaenteouly waiting for those we are pleasing to stop and say, “Hey, What do YOU want to do?” And that is just not going to happen. This has to be one of the most difficult universal truths. There are very few people in the world who give like you give. There are very few people in the world who live to uplift and support other people and when you have that ability…you desperately want someone to give it back to you…and the chances of that happening are limited.
You give and give and give to other people. They LOVE that about you and they might even be really appreciative about all of your giving. BUT you want to someone to give and give to you…or at the very least to say to you, “what do you want, what’s going on with you?” And when they don’t you become resentful and upset. However, here is the real come to Jesus of it all…IF someone did say to you, “what do you want? What’s going on with you?” You probably wouldn’t know what to say and might even say, “Oh, nothing…I have no idea…Do you need anything?”
The danger of people pleasing is that it comes such a habit that we lose ourselves completely. We forget how to Trust Ourselves, we forget to show up for ourselves and we look for permission from those around is to live our lives.
I know so much about this…because I am a people pleaser…I like to say a people pleaser in recovery. But people pleasing is my natural response, my ‘comfort zone’ if you will. So I know first hand the dangerous path of people pleasing. I mean I didn’t earn the term “Mama Bear” easily 🙂 But people pleasing is a double edge sword…on one hand it FEELS so good to give. To be the responsible one. To be the one who people count on and look to…and on the other hand it can lead to bitterness and resentment. It can lead to feeling taken advantage of, exhaustion and frustration. But the scariest thing of all is that it leads to us constantly looking to others to tell us what comes next. We lose our connection with ourselves.
I LOVE my tendency to think of other people first..I love that empathy is a natural response for me AND when I start worrying about what others over my own wisdom…I know I need to regroup.
Rebuilding this connection with ourselves is what the Trust Yourself Already Course is all about. Learning how to stop “hurting, hiding and waiting on someone else to tell me it’s my turn to decide.” We are taking a week off this week but we will be back next Thursday June 25th at 7pm for Live Happier 101: The Basics For Finding Peace and Contentment. For More Information on the TYA Wellness Series visit: http://TrustYourselfAlready.com