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Over the years I have become more focused on the power of our words. Not only in the words we say but how we say them. Ironic that yesterday’s post was about expressing your emotions because yesterday was a day of conflicts. It seemed like every person I talked to yesterday whether they be a friend or a client was struggling with a major conflict in their relationship. The one theme these conflicts seemed to have was not fighting fair. There were many ‘below the belt’ comments, threats of leaving the relationship, and just general nastiness.
When we are engaged in a conflict with our loved ones–unfortunately many times all decorum goes out the window, the gloves come off, and we have a no holds barred fight. Each time we brawl like that, tiny breaks happen in the foundation of the relationship. This person is supposed to be the one person in the world I love more than any other. This person is supposed to be my ‘safe place to fall,’ this is the person whom I have decided to give my heart to–so why am I talking to them with such venom and hatred?
It is one of life’s mysteries that the person we love the most/feel safest with is also the person we can treat the poorest. The most important thing when it comes to relationships and conflict is you need to set some ground rules for fighting fair. No ultimatums, no threats and most importantly no personal attacks. We may be just saying the words in the heat of the moment–but words hurt our partner and our relationship.
Pay attention to how you speak to your partner–not just when you are engaged in a conflict but when ever you are with them. If I was a fly on the wall at your house–would I know from your conversations that this person is one of the most important people in your life? Or do you use passive aggressive digs, sarcasm, threats, ultimatums when talking to your partner? Remember the power of language–and just as positive words can build you up negativity can tear you down.