The Happier Approach: Be Kind to Yourself, Feel Happier and Still Accomplish Your Goals
People would describe you as accomplished, responsible and successful. From the outside, you look happy, in control and on top of things. But secretly you feel tired, disillusioned and overwhelmed. The truth is you are in survival mode…checking things off the to-do list, making everyone happy and for what??
You don’t need to stay in survival mode.
All the experts say to practice gratitude, repeat mantras and think positive, and you do but it isn’t really helping. So you push down the feelings of exhaustion and negativity and sing the chorus of ‘so blessed’ and ‘everything Is wonderful’. But at the end of the day, you are just surviving. You just want to make it through the day without counting down the minutes until you can crawl into bed.
After almost 20 years of working with people as a coach and counselor, I have come to realize that the #1 thing that prevents us from feeling happier is the negative voice in our head.
Through humor and storytelling you will learn::
How to unhook the belief that being kind to yourself will make you soft and cut your competitive advantage.
When your Monger has taken over and what to do next.
Why your BFF can steer you in the wrong direction.
How to unleash your Biggest Fan so you can make decisions for your life without shame, or guilt and be genuinely happier.
Meet Your Monger
Your Monger has two main traits:
Her job is to keep you safe from failure. She motivates you by telling you, “Don’t make mistakes, don’t stand out, and don’t be too vulnerable.”
All her messages bring shame and drama and are exhausting. Basically, she is just outright mean and nasty.
Meet Your BFF
Our BFF enables us to rebel against the mean voice of our Monger. When we get tired of our Monger criticizing us, we bring in our BFF for a little self-compassion, but it often ends up going overboard into false self-compassion (aka doing whatever you want). Our BFF loves false self-compassion.
Your BFF is not about holding your feet to the fire or keeping you accountable but is always able to find a justification and someone to blame.
Meet Your Biggest Fan
Your Biggest Fan is the key to quieting your Monger. Your Biggest Fan is the how. She is kind, generous, and wise and always has your back. She’s the best of both worlds. She holds the goals of your Monger (to be safe and secure) without the shaming and belittling, and she provides the support of your BFF (“you are awesome”) without the free pass to do whatever you want.
What People Are Saying
“A happier approach to life, like all worthy endeavors, requires practical tools that people can utilize in their daily lives. It is one thing to want to be happier; it is quite another to build skills to experience one’s sense of authentic happiness. Nancy Jane Smith provides a vivid framework and concrete tools to support the pursuit of happiness. For anyone curious about a straightforward way to address blocks and tap into more happiness, this book is for you.”
— Erin M.
“I don’t typically go searching for self-help books because ones I’ve read either don’t offer new information or the advice is not very practical. The thing I liked most about The Happier Approach is how approachable it is. The author’s personality and lightheartedness drew me in and then the bite-size steps toward improvement were actually implementable for this busy, entrepreneurial mom. The three characters are a strong, concrete visual that helps the advice feel more manageable.”
— Katy O.
“I’ve done a lot of inner critic/inner mentor work and just when I thought I’d heard it all, enter Nancy and her book, The Happier Approach. Wow! Nancy’s kind and compassionate approach to the inner critic is refreshing and new, and she fills in the gaps where people often get stuck. This book offers the piece that is missing from so many self-help books and should be your first read if you’re looking to get unstuck and find more peace and happiness. As practical and wise as Martha Beck and as shame-free as Brené Brown, Nancy’s book, The Happier Approach, is a real gift and has already earned top-shelf status on my bookshelf. Thank you, Nancy”
