The First Responder

The First Responder


A few months ago as I was chatting with a client about her Monger, she smiled and said to me, ‘My Monger is like a First Responder on a crime scene”. I had never thought of it like that but yes indeed.

If you think of a urgent scene the first responders arrive guns pulled, ready for action, prepared to do whatever it takes to secure the scene. So to do our Mongers.  They will do whatever it takes to keep us safe and secure.  Just not as lovingly as the police and paramedic first responders.

Here are a couple of examples.

You attend your work event.  Everyone gathers for an announcement from the department head and he shares that as of 2015 you and a few other people will be promoted.  You feel joy and fear at the same time.  Sensing the panic…your first responder rises to the scene, “Who do you think you are…you can’t do this job”. “You think you have them all fooled but NOW you won’t be able to hide it”.

You are making some small but deliberate changes in how you communicate with those close to you. You are trying to speak your needs, set healthy boundaries and basically live from your priorities.  These changes are healthy for you…but you are rocking the boat when it comes to your family. They aren’t use to you saying no, or asking for something to be changed based on your schedule. One night on the phone with your Mom there is some serious pushback when you say you can’t make it to your cousin’s baby shower. She questions why you wouldn’t go and questions your priorities.  You hang up the phone feeling pleased that you stood your ground and sad that your mom is upset. Sensing the unease your first responder jumps on the scene, “You think you are so great…your priorities trump everyone else’s don’t they…you are so unfeeling…what a bitch”.

In both examples, you were making serious changes. You were growing and changing. With that growth and change came your Monger jumping into action like a first responder to decrease the threat of change.

So the next time you recognize your Monger chatting (usually this happens when you are doing something new different and most likely positive) note that it is probably a first responder.

Here are some tips.

Remind yourself that it is probably a First Responder. When our Mongers jump in guns blazing…lovingly remind yourself that it is just a First Responder trying to keep things safe and secure.

Remind yourself of the old saying ‘first thought wrong’. Frequently when you can tell yourself that the first thought is wrong you can then ask yourself to come up with a new thought. This new thought should be an easy loving phrase that  you can repeat to yourself in order to remind yourself that you are ok. Such as, “I got this.” “Self care is ok”. “I am qualified and competent.”

Remind yourself of what is most important to you. Check in with your wise self to find out what type of life you want to be living and whether the actions you are taking fit that life.  If the answer is yes, and you are still getting hammered by your Monger, return to lovingly reminding your Monger of your priorities.

Remember courage is not the absence of fear. Anytime we make a change we are going to be scared and fearful.  Our Mongers serve us by pointing out where bad things might be happening (admittedly, their approach is a at times quite mean) it is our job to chose to listen or not.  Remind yourself that you have a choice, you don’t have to accept everything they say at face value.

For some more tips on dealing with your here.

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