Join the mailing list for weekly wisdom and updates.

The Asshole in Your Head.

This post first appeared last September of 2014.
This Thursday we will be discussing the Mongers aka Assholes that live in our head
at week 7 of the Trust Yourself, Already™ Course.  
For more information click here.


One of my favorite quotes from the Dan Harris 10% Happier book is the first line that says, “I initially wanted to call this book, The Voice in My Head Is an Asshole.” Makes me smile every time.

Because yes, the person living in my head can certainly act like an asshole.  AND it is helpful to remember that while that voice is annoying it is a voice.

One way to start dealing with that asshole in your head—is to notice when you are being haunted by it.  Over the years I have heard how many people have described their mongers and their wise voice

Here are some ways people have described how they know they are being haunted by the asshole in my head.

  • small
  • unmotivated
  • hungry
  • chest pains
  • stomach pains
  • nauseous
  • anxious
  • out of control
  • crazy

Here are some ways people have described their wise voice:

  • relaxing
  • peaceful
  • powerful
  • in control
  • generous

When we are living with the asshole all the time it is hard to live happier. But the HARDEST part of the Monger is that we believe the voice and we don’t recognize it as an asshole.  We believe it is wise and powerful. But something that loves us and looks out for us wouldn’t use shame and fear, as it’s main component.

What do you feel when the asshole is talking? Make a mental note of that so you when you hear your Asshole talking you can smile knowingly and lovingly show it the door.

2 Responses to The Asshole in Your Head.

  1. When I am feeling inconsolable or paralyzed about a decision, I know my asshole is talking to me. (Insert Beavis-and-Butthead “huh huh” laugh here.) Like if I have to choose between a cheeseburger and a chicken sandwich, and THAT somehow becomes a life or death choice that has no clear answer–that’s the asshole talking.

    Recently I’ve been trying to recognize that my asshole isn’t really an asshole…she is just the first responder. She’s the first one at the scene when something goes down. Always. If a job offer comes in, or it’s time to make a big purchase, or sometimes just pick what I’m gonna have for lunch… The asshole will come in first to clear the room. I picture it like a cop kicking down the door and swinging her gun around every corner, looking for that hidden possible misstep or mistake that could spell disaster. In other words, she doesn’t exist for no reason. She’s there to protect me. The problem is that she only has that one mode and sometimes tries to protect me from things I don’t necessarily want to be protected from. I try to work with the idea that it’s ok when she shows up. But I want to be able to pick out when it’s time for her to go. Sometimes I just gotta take a breath and a minute to let her know “It’s cool. I got it from here.”

  2. Nancy Jane Smith says:

    I love this Melanie—first responder is so true! What a great way to say it–will need to use that in a future blog post 😉 Because she is there to protect you…her intentions are good she is just a bit abrupt in her methodology 🙂