Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?
|Photo Credit: Lissui|
We all get stuck. We all wake up feeling crabby, tired, sad or angry for a variety of reasons some easily explainable some totally unexplainable. For those of us who have spent a lot of item in the self help/personal growth world we can get stuck in labeling these feelings. Trying to analyze them, name them, figure out their roots and their whys. The danger comes when we spend so much time analyzing and debating we rationalize the feelings away or worse when we can’t rationalize them away we beat ourselves up for having feelings in the first place. In an attempt to feel better and explain our mood we end up discounting the mood and ourselves and therefore causing us to spin out.
Days like this fortunately happen pretty rarely for me—but when they do they throw me for a MAJOR loop. I have found bottom line that when I am in a rotten mood, I compound that mood by beating myself up for being in the mood. In my attempt to talk myself out of the mood I end up hammering myself even harder. So rather than just admitting, hey today is an off day–I am blessed and challenged and moving forward. I hammer myself with words and phrases such as “wow you are so ungrateful, you should be happier, you are just being a baby and much more harsh words.
I know I am not alone in this inner bashing–I hear it in my clients, I see it in my friends and family. That inner voice can go full throttle and before we know it we are totally wasted. This am after my shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I thought, ‘give that girl some love” so I simply smiled back at myself in the mirror and the tears started flowing, the sadness engulfed me. I stopped trying to label, stopped trying to analyze, stopped trying to be grateful and just let the tears flow. Did I immediately feel better? No. But I did feel relieved. Relieved, that I could stop running, I could stop trying to figure it out. I could just BE. Be in the mood, be sad, be tired, be whatever I felt. I could be the feeling and keep going. And I did.
Bottom line we are all human, we all struggle, we all have unexplainable, irrational, uncomfortable, inconvenient emotions. There is a fine line between running, embracing and ignoring. I have found the best way is to BE. I know from first hand experience, it is when I try to explain, rationalize, discount or run I tend to get into more trouble. Sometimes we just need to be.