Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?
You have a bad day. We have all had them. They are where the expression “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed” came from. Sometimes we can talk ourselves out of them. We can use gratitude, change our perspective, or tell a different story. We can treat ourselves to coffee or take a long walk. Sometimes we can unhook the mongers and move forward with our day. But what about the days when our mongers tend to hang out despite all the gratitude and perspective changing? What if we can’t shake them? I believe it is those days that the saying if “you can’t beat them join them comes to play”. It is those days that we need to face what is REALLY going on.
A few days ago I had this experience. I woke up just feeling crabby. All the gratitude and perspective changing in the world couldn’t shake it. I spent most of the morning vacillating between tears and wanting to rip someone’s head off and became more and more frustrated the more that I couldn’t shake it.
Finally rather than continuing to beat myself up because I SHOULD NOT be feeling this way, I allowed myself to really feel it. (One thing I know for sure telling yourself you SHOULD NOT be feeling a certain way NEVER makes me feel better.) I sat down and asked myself “what’s going on here” after a few moments I was overwhelmed with emotions, sadness, anxiety and anger. Some of it made sense, and some of it was a bit out of left field. But rather than judging it and trying to name it I just felt it. What if I didn’t have to justify the emotion or change the perspective? What if I didn’t have to own it either? What if for a few moments I was just sad, or tired or angry–no justification no perspective changing just being?
And so for a few moments I just observed the pain and sadness, and you know what? It dissipated. It didn’t engulf me; it didn’t make my mood worse, and I didn’t get overwhelmed I actually felt better!!
Too often I watch clients try to force themselves out of a mood, or talk themselves down from an emotion or justify why the feeling makes no sense. What if rather then judging the feelings we just felt them? When we allow the feelings to wash over us, un-justified and un-censored they flow through and out of us. Sometimes simply by acknowledging them they flow right on by. Think of a 2 year old throwing a temper tantrum, sometimes they need a perspective change, sometimes they need to be a little more grateful for what they have, and sometimes they just need a little acknowledgement that right now is tough and that’s ok. So go ahead, in the privacy of your home or office throw yourself a little temper tantrum and let the feeling dissipate.
How do you deal with a bad day?