Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?
I am taking this week to spend time with family, engage in self care, and celebrate the 4th, so this week we are taking a look at favorite posts from the past. Third this week is ‘Pressure Cooker Syndrome’.
I remember, as a child, my mom canning green beans or tomatoes. The pressure cooker she would use had a silver lid on it. As the pot boiled, and as the pressure rose, the steam would escape through a valve, and would eventually cause the valve to whistle and dance on the pot.
Some of us struggle with this same phenomenon – something called Pressure Cooker Syndrome. We try so hard to keep our lids on, and to stay in control; to keep it all together, and to do everything right. From the outside, our lives look perfect, solid, sturdy, and well-constructed… but, on the inside, our lives are full of pressure, steam, and anxiety.
When we live our lives in a pressure cooker, our lives become All or Nothing.
Black and White.
Right and Wrong.
We lose perspective.
We lose ourselves.
I have a tendency to go into pressure cooker mode; it’s one of my stress modes, and something I have to really be aware of. When I enter pressure cooker mode, I find myself looking for quick fixes, and reaching for external ideas to ease the pressure (e.g. food, wine, mindless video games) – ANYTHING to numb out and ease the pressure… but these external modes only provide limited temporary relief.
Real relief from the pressure only comes when I admit to myself that I can’t keep it all together. I can’t do everything – and, in fact, I am pretty miserable. Sometimes, I can catch myself in this mode after a single day. Sometimes, it takes two weeks or more.
I know my signs:
- Numbing out
- Constantly looking for something ‘fun’ to do – but either not taking the time to do it, or, when I do it, I am so worried about doing it right that it isn’t fun.
- Having ‘If I get this then I will be happy’ thoughts.
- Being overly to-do list focused.
Ways to Relieve the Pressure:
- Admit to myself I can’t do it all.
- Give myself A LOT of compassion
- Share what I am feeling with someone safe.
- Do something nourishing – take a walk, take the afternoon off, say NO to something I don’t want to do.
- Revisit my values and remove the stuff that is on my list that doesn’t serve my values
I would love to hear from you: Do you suffer from Pressure Cooker Syndrome? What are your signs? How do you relieve the pressure?