Episode 037: Quieting the Inner Critic
I am finally back from break! I had quite a battle with my inner critic these past few weeks. Listen to my latest trick to quiet that belittling voice.
+ Read the Transcript
Oh, it has been a long time since I've been here. I think my last episode was back in late June, and my goal was to just take July off as a break, but here we are in the second to last week of August, and I'm just now getting ready to start recording again.
So I had each week in August. I told myself, you need to do a podcast, you need to do a podcast. And in that break time, I came up with a ton of ideas of things I wanted to talk about in the podcast, the experiences I had, and stuff that had happened. And but each week, I just kept putting it off and procrastinating and procrastinating as we tend to do.
And so this morning, On my list today, I had a chunk of time. I had it on my list. I was going to do my podcast, and I woke up not feeling so great. And so I laid down for a little bit and did a bunch of other stuff related to my work and putzed around and procrastinated.
And in true honesty, I need to leave the house in 20 minutes to get to a client meeting. And here I am, recording a very last-minute podcast, which was my one super big goal for the day. So at least I did it, but man, I tell you! The reason it took me so long is my inner critic. My inner critic has been hammering me for much of the day.
And I wanted to talk about that today. It is ironic that here I was in this attack by my inner critic all day. And it took me a while to figure out that's what was going on. And it wasn't necessarily related to podcasting. I took a break, so it was always hard to come back into something and be like, is anyone going to listen?
Is this wasting your time? You shouldn't have taken a break for so long. Any time we are reentering the arena, it is hard. But also, I've been working on a lot of stuff behind the scenes dealing with overwhelm and stress and inner critic stuff and perfectionism.
And I'm honing in on the message that I want to be talking about. And so, the more we hone in on something and the closer we get to our authentic selves, the louder the inner critic gets. And so that is the struggle for me and almost everyone I know. We all want to be more authentic, and we all want to live in the flow, but in honesty, the more we get authentic, and the more we start to flow, the more we have to deal with the inner critic. That is an inevitable thing that happens because that authenticity causes vulnerability, which causes our inner critics to freak out. My inner critic has been in hyperdrive lately. And so, that's why I want to talk about quieting your inner critic.
For me lately, the thing I have been talking a lot about with clients and practicing with myself is the idea of your biggest fan, and the idea of your biggest fan came to me because I've been practicing self-compassion. And that has been a big theme for me, that this year of 2016 and specifically the summer, the idea of self-compassion.
So a common thing in when people talk about self-compassion the example they tend to use is what would your best friend say to you? How would they support you? How would your best friend talk to you? Because their inner critics talk to us so mean and belittling and shame-filled.
And then our best friends, hopefully, talk to us with love and support and kindness. And the glitch for me has come that, so this morning I wake up, I want to do this podcast. I have some other stuff that I want to get done that requires a little more putting myself out there and more vulnerability.
And so I know the inner critic is probably going to go a little crazy. And so my best friend says to me, don't worry about it. Just relax. Take the day off. It's no big deal. A lot of the people that I'm following on blogs and friends I know are taking vacations. So they're slowing down their businesses and taking some time off for the rest of October and part of September.
And, I already did that in July, so I had my time off. Fabulous. And now it is time for me to get back to work, but my best friend's voice is telling me, just relax and take it easy. It's a beautiful day. Take the day off. You don't need to be doing this, which is great, but our best friends tend to be the enablers, even in our lives.
Our best friends are the ones that support us no matter what; they constantly think whatever we're doing is fabulous, and they give us that wonderful unconditional support. So my challenge for myself the summer has been to find that middle voice. Not the super shaming belittling inner critic and not the wonderful you are amazing, perfect in every way best friend, but that middle voice. And I call that middle voice my biggest fan. And the reason I call her my biggest fan is because my biggest fan wants me to succeed. They really want what's best for me. And sometimes what's best for me is to push myself a little bit, to get out of that comfort zone, to face the inner critic and be like, no, I'm going to go beyond what you're saying.
So the best friend encourages me to back down and take it easy. And my biggest fan encourages me to keep going. But the way they encourage me, that voice is a loving kind, the mix of both in the sense of this morning, as I was, I took, worked out, I took my shower. I didn't feel great.
So I laid down, and my best friend was like, ah, just take the day. You don't feel well. You don't want to work on your podcast today. Maybe that's a sign. Maybe you should take it easy. Everyone else is taking a break. You should too, all that best friend. And then gradually as I lay there and thought, okay, what would my biggest fan say to me?
What would that person that wants me to succeed say? The biggest fan would say, Okay, you don't want to do this podcast. You've got a lot of doubts. You got a lot of insecurities, but you have to do it. You have to put one foot in front of the other. If you don't, if you keep procrastinating on this podcast, it will never get recorded.
So you need to do this, even though it's uncomfortable. And we can do it together with support and love, and it doesn't have to be this painful fight against the inner critic, but it isn't a reason for you not to do it. And so, for me, that is a big shift in how I view the inner critic world. Because now I have this cheerleader in there, that's giving me the acknowledgment that this is hard and this is challenging.
And we got to keep going and doing it anyway versus the best friend that is always encouraging me. I'd always gone between inner critic telling me how much I suck and the best friend telling me how great I was but not pushing me away. And so I think finding this biggest fan gives me some wiggle room to be like, wait, there's something else in there that is helpful.
So our biggest fan is our cheerleader. They want what's best for us, and they can lovingly push us to do more, and they can lovingly encourage us to slow down. So to the same degree that our inner critic says you got to keep going, keep ahead, keep up. That push, push, the biggest fan is going to say, whoa, we've done enough today.
We need to take a break. You need to relax. You need to slow down. And so she's going to give us both the push and the slow down, and that voice is always wise, kind, and loving. So it's always wise, kind, and loving. And I think that's the piece, the inner critic is not wise, kind and loving, let's be honest, and the best friend is wise kind and loving too, but they're not as wise, they're more on the kind and loving part.
So that wisdom of you got to keep going, even though you don't want to, or you need to slow down because you've been pushing so hard. So the wise voice, it sounds something like. Wow. Today was hard. Next time, let's not procrastinate on that assignment so much. We got it done, but wow. Was it stressful?
These donuts were delicious, and we enjoyed every bite, and that sugar crash was brutal. So I'm not going to eat them every day, but I'm so glad we had them and to see how that biggest fan voice has that mix of both. It's whoa, we made a mistake there. It was really good. But we learned this from that, or, wow.
We shouldn't have been procrastinating so much. The positive is we got it done, but the hard part is that it was exhausting in the process. So the biggest fan gives us a little wiggle room in there, and I have liked that truth and grace and compassion that the biggest fan is giving me. She doesn't let everything slide like a best friend would. She's whoa, we had all those donuts.
That was awesome. I loved every bite, like the best friend. She speaks to the truth, but she doesn't use shame and belittling like the inner critic does. So I think the biggest fan is that mix of both. It's the truth like the inner critic has, and it's the loving-kindness like our best friend has, but it's all mixed together.
There's no shaming and belittling, and there's a little wisdom, and there's a little grace that comes in. So I encourage you to practice harnessing that biggest fan and see if that helps you in your quest to quiet the inner critic because it has made a massive change in my life.
I'm trying to concentrate on being intentional and asking, Hey, what would my biggest fan say? What would someone in front of me who wanted the best for me but also was going to be willing to speak the truth with kindness and grace, what would they say? And I think it will change your life.
+ Weekly Ritual Challenge
One thing that has really helped me reduce anxiety is adding regular ritual practices to my daily life, so each week, I am going to be sharing a ritual with you and challenge you to complete it.
This week's ritual: Be in the Shower
We are going back to basics. I have noticed that recently my mind is NOT in the shower so I thought I would bring back this oldie but a goodie to remind us to fully be present in the shower.