Episode 033: Whose Carrot are You Chasing?
In this society, get so caught up in the chase we forget what or why we are chasing in the first place. We get so use to going after 'the goal' we forget to ask ourselves--do I really want this goal in the first place?
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Today, we're going to be talking about that darn carrot. And what I mean by the carrot is that I think there's a state farm commercial showing a man in fishing gear. He has a dollar bill on a fishing rod, and the girl keeps grabbing after it, and he keeps pulling it back and pulling it back.
That's what I'm talking about, the carrot that is on the fishing pole, and we're chasing after it thinking if only we can catch it, running through life, checking things off the to-do list, being on top of things, looking good. That ever-elusive carrot, the holy grail that has you thinking if only I could get the carrot, then I would be okay.
I just need to keep working for it, but the carrot keeps changing, growing and moving, and we never actually get it. So the carrot is the college degree, the spouse, the kids that have enough money to be comfortable having enough money for retirement, sending the kids to college, being happy in your career, getting a vacation home, the carrot list goes and on.
It never stops. It is always there. In theory, The carrot could be awesome. It represents our end goal and represents the priorities. What matters most is the direction we want our life to take. The problem with the carrot is when it doesn't represent anything except the next "thing."
When you're unclear on what the carrot represents in your life, then you're just chasing an imaginary object. You might never reach. It sounds insane, but I know many of us, me included, at one point have fallen victim to mindlessly chasing the carrot.
I was spending all of my time chasing something that I couldn't define. I didn't even know if I would want it in the first place. We get so caught up in the chase. We forget what or why we're chasing it.
We get so used to going after the goal; we forget to ask ourselves, do I want this goal in the first place? So today, I want you to take a pause from all that carrot chasing for a moment and ask yourself to define your carrot.
What does success look like to you? Is success a big house, a new car being able to eat out every night of the week, or is it having a flexible schedule to spend time with family and friends?
Maybe success is having a community of friends who gather and chat about politics, art, and activism, or maybe success is more about having an education. Success can have a million definitions, but what does success mean to you? Not your parents, not your neighbors or your partner, but you.
For years we get so stuck in the comparing. My favorite saying is you're comparing your insides to somebody else's outsides. And we walk around the world, look at what other people are doing, and think, oh my gosh, they have it all together. They have the perfect partner. They have the perfect house. They have the perfect job, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They don't have any of the insecurities that I have. They don't have any of the doubts that I have. And so I just have to keep pushing and pushing, and I'll be just like them.
And we never pause to think, do I want to have this perfect everything or what is important to me? Because all of this stuff that I'm chasing may not even be the point. I know so many clients that come in, and they're just like, I'm tired and done. I'm exhausted from pushing and pushing to what end for. Why am I pushing?
And that is a pivotal point in our lives to recognize. How will I know when I have made it? What is my life vision look like? What does your carrot look like? And what exactly are you chasing? And do you still want to be chasing it? The point of the questions is to help you take stock of your carrot and get clear on your goals and priorities to help you stop just reacting to life but start getting real about what you want from you.
This happens to me now and then. It's related to self-doubt and insecurity. When we get doubt and insecure, we look outside of ourselves to see what other people are doing to compare and get some ideas. So I will compare myself to other entrepreneurs or other people that are online teaching about stuff, and I'll think, oh, I suck so much.
I should be doing this and this and this and this. And I litany off all this stuff that I should be doing. And I start chasing this random carrot. Because I think that's the next great thing. And then eventually I'll stop and be like, wait, I don't want to be doing that. That doesn't fit my business.
I don't want to be doing all these things. So when we can get clear on, I don't want to be doing that right now, and we stop wasting time chasing these carrots that lead us nowhere. Maybe having a big car is important to you. That's okay. Go for that. Or having the second home and the vacation is important; that's awesome. And you want to find a job where you can make enough money to support you and your family and send your kids to college and have the house and the second home and the cars. That's great. Maybe for you. It is. I'm going to go back to school because going back to school and getting my Ph.D., that's what's important, or going being creative that's what's important. And maybe I'm going to have to downsize to do that. Maybe I'm going to have to cut back to go after that dream that I want to go after. And maybe in doing that, I'm going to disappoint someone. Or I'm not going to live up to what I thought I was supposed to live up to, and I have to let that go.
And so, there's going to be some grief when we realize that we were chasing things that may not be our top priority. And we realize, wait a minute, I have options here. I don't have to work a job I hate to get the house in the car when I don't value the house in the car.
I value education. And so I need to go back to school, and that's going to cost me money. And so I'm going to have to downsize, and oh, what am I going to tell people when I have to downsize? But when we start living life from what we want and what we value, and what's important to us. We consider other people's insights, but at the end of the day, you're the one that you're going to have to be living with.
You're the one that's going to look back on your life and say, did I make decisions based on how I wanted to do my life? Did I chase the carrot that I wanted to be chasing? That's the most important part.
+ Weekly Ritual Challenge
One thing that has really helped me reduce anxiety is adding regular ritual practices to my daily life, so each week, I am going to be sharing a ritual with you and challenge you to complete it.
This week's ritual: Stop and Smell the Flowers
Literally! Get outside and smell some flowers : ) Take the time to look around and embrace the beauty of the season.