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My Dream of Making my Job Obsolete

Before a client leaves my office I always ask the question:

“Was this session helpful?  Is there anything you need/want differently?”

And 9 times out of 10 they say,

“No this was very helpful…you know what was most helpful, just being able to put it all out there and brainstorm new ways of looking at it”. (or some form of that statement).

Of course, this statement makes me feel good. Yes, I am doing my job, I am creating a warm friendly space for people to come in and talk about what is going on.

However, to be completely honest it makes me feel sad because 90% of my job is just creating a warm, friendly place and allowing people to just share their ideas. To provide a sounding board, a non-judgmental place to share dreams and desires, basically to listen. And I admit, I am damn good at that.  But I believe that this safe place of sharing and listening should be happening everywhere: at the dinner table, during happy hour, over morning coffee, or during late night conversations.  This safe sharing place should be happening with our dear friends, our partners, and our families.

But instead if we do have the guts to share our dreams and desires with people we get the response of:

  • “Really?”
  • “How are you going to do that?”
  • “That’s impossible!”
  • “No way, you can’t make that big of a change, you will regret it”.
  • “Just admit you are stuck with your life and move on.”
  • “Life is miserable, the quicker you accept that the happier you will be.”

I am calling for a change.  I want to make my job as a counselor obsolete!!

I want to build a world:

  • Where we are OPEN to hearing other people’s dreams
  • Where we LISTEN with non-judgment and wonder
  • Where we ENCOURAGE people to dream and scheme and plan.
  • Where we offer HELP and CURIOSITY rather then judgment and belittling.

When someone has the guts to share a dream, I want our natural responses to be :

  • “Wow, that sounds amazing”
  • “Tell me more”
  • “That is such a cool idea, how can we make that happen”
  • “How long have you been dreaming of doing this”
  • “What are some baby steps you can take to make this happen”
  • “Do you have any other dreams?”

Do you know the number one reason we DON’T live in this culture right now?  Because we are over run with our own fear, doubt and insecurity.  Because when someone shares a dream it brings up our own doubts about our life.  It makes us feel scared and not enough.  Our competitive, nature kicks in and we unconsciously want to knock the other person down–keep them in the same spot we are so we don’t have to look at our own dreams and face our own fears.  Sounds awful doesn’t it?  But I believe it is true.

In order to create this world of curiosity and listening  we need to check out own fear and doubts.  We need to remind ourselves that by encouraging someone else to dream we are also encouraging ourselves to dream.  By lifting up another person we are lifting up ourselves!!

Who is in?  Who will join me?

Who is willing ask those closest to you (your partner, friends, children, siblings) about their dreams and then build a safe non-judgmental place to grow and develop that dream?  

It starts with us making a change in first how we respond to our own fears and then how we respond to their dreams and desires, and someday my job will be obsolete….

What do you think?  Do you have people in your life that support you no matter what?  How do you do this in your life?

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2 Responses to My Dream of Making my Job Obsolete

  1. Tell it, Sister! I’m so in. I have been practicing this… practicing being a safe place to dream and share, not responding with my opinion – and working to not even HAVE an opinion beyond “YOU GO!” You are right. We aren’t taught this. But I’m finding, with a lot of refocusing and imperfection that I CAN learn it. I love this post. I can hear you and your soul-driven message so powerfully in it. Love that 🙂

  2. Thank you Michelle for your resounding ‘Hell ya’ and for sharing your own learning process with this concept. It isn’t easy and it will take time but oh what a wonderful world it would be 😉