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I work in the field of change. People come to see me because they want to change SOMETHING. Change their relationships, their outlook, their reactions, or their jobs. When we desire to change, criticism is inevitably our first response. We have learned as a society that change works better when we beat ourselves into submission. For YEARS I believe that my Monger was a motivator. I believed that if I put down the hammer I used on myself, I would be useless. And I see it in my clients all the time, as they embark on the journey of learning more about themselves they beat themselves up for:
- not knowing this information before,
- being weak and stupid,
- being too slow in implementing
- doing it imperfectly and struggling with the process.
- not reaching the finish line.
So if you are heading on your personal growth journey here are some words of wisdom:
Self-growth is not a reason to beat yourself up.
You aren’t doing it wrong; you aren’t doing it too slow.
You aren’t an idiot because you didn’t know all this information before.
You DO NOT need to be fixed.
You do not need to justify, prove, defend or atone for your feelings or desires or needs.
You do not need to take responsibility for all the wrongs in the world or all the wrongs you MIGHT have committed.
You do not need to take responsibility for the fact someone treated you some way. YOU DO NOT ALLOW people to treat you badly. You know better you do better period.
You can’t beat yourself up to be the perfect person. You can’t will yourself or shame yourself into being good.
The only way to be happier? To truly be happier? LOVE. Love for yourself. Yep, it sounds trite, it sounds simple. But working on loving yourself, that is LIFE’s work baby. That is a day in and day out practice. None of the other stuff matters.
Because when you work on loving yourself, supporting yourself, showing up for yourself.
You won’t get stuck in drama.
You won’t get stuck in unnecessary suffering.
You won’t get stuck in the patterns of people pleasing or perfectionism.
You won’t get stuck in a pattern of numbing, anger, anxiety or pain.
****Notice I said STUCK. ALL of these things will still happen. Self Love doesn’t prevent patterns from emerging. Anxiety, numbing, perfectionism, people pleasing they are HARD WIRED, and they need a little love to unhook them.
When we live our lives from a place of self-love we open ourselves up to kindness, vulnerability, curiosity, and awareness.
Life becomes less about ‘doing it right’ and more about ‘just doing it.’
This week, practice being kind to yourself.