Listening to Your Wisdom
Those Damn Mongers! Keeping us miserable, telling us how worthless we are. It just gets exhausting!!!
Hands down, the most helpful way I have found to deal with the Monger is first to recognize that SHE IS NOT YOU. She is a part of you that, although she appears scary and mean, is really there to keep you safe and protected. She just uses some pretty nasty techniques to make sure you stay safe.
However, recently in my work with clients (and in my self-work), I have figured out that in this process of separating your voice from the Monger’s voice, to really tell the difference between the two, you not only need to recognize the Monger’s voice but you need to recognize your voice too. I refer to this voice as Your Biggest Fan because she reminds me that you are valuable, lovable, worthy period. You can call it whatever appeals to you, Your Intuition, The Voice of God, or Your Authentic voice, whatever settles best with you. The name doesn’t matter; it is what this voice is doing/saying.
Your Biggest Fan is loving, kind, and compassionate. And this voice usually starts in a whisper. This voice would never in a million years think to belittle yourself. As we grow up and learn how to adapt and survive in our environment, our Monger gets formed. She appears because of messages in the environment, traits we inherited, coping skills, and basically the stuff that just happens living as a human being. Over time our Monger gets stronger and stronger, and our Biggest Fan gets quieter and quieter. I believe it is our job to turn up the volume on our Biggest Fan and turn down the volume on the Monger.
All of this volume adjusting takes time. It is a process filled with awareness, compassion, and curiosity. I have discussed the process for dealing with Mongering here and here. But today, I want to give up tips for tapping into that Biggest Fan Voice.
Be Quiet and Listen: “Well, duh,” you might be saying. But honestly, we all KNOW we should get quiet and listen, but how often do we REALLY do it?!?!? Turn off the radio in the car, turn off the podcast while you cook dinner, turn down the endless chatter and just be quiet. Take 5 minutes in the AM or before you walk into work and just BE.
Play: What did you LOVE to do as a child? Play tag? Tennis? Basketball? Hide and Seek? Make S’mores? Crafts? Color? There are 1,000 ideas for playtime. The point is to tap back into your roots. The Biggest Fan lives here in the wild, unfettered place in you. Sometimes we have our lids screwed down so tight that the pot that is our life is just going to explode. We need to let loose and play a little. And then Listen. Listen to that belly laugh, feel the smile on your face, hear the joy exuding from your every pore. This is where the Biggest Fan is.
Practice Compassion: Regularly throughout the day, practice compassion with yourself. I put my hands over my heart and remind myself that I am loved, I am ok, and I got this, and I sit there for a few seconds and just breathe. It just settles everything down, and I can tap into my Biggest Fan. So practice compassion with your kids, your friends, and your partner. Let them know how much they mean to you, remind yourself they are doing the best they can with what they have. Spread the love to those around you too.
Practice Gratitude: Take a few moments in the day to look around and just be thankful for what you can see, feel, and touch around you. Be specific. Right now, as I look around my office, I am thankful for my cat curled up on my desk, my fan providing me with cool air, the view of the amazing trees out my window, the many cards my nearest and dearest has given me, the picture I bought on my trip to Peru. As I engage in this activity, the list becomes longer and longer, and I become more and more tapped into my uniqueness and my Biggest Fan.