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Here’s a scenario.
You are dropping the kids off at school and one of the other mom’s runs up to ask you if you would be able to pick her kids up and watch them later that day. “My babysitter canceled last minute, can you help?”
Immediately, you think. “No, I have errands to run and work to catch up on and this is the 3rd time this month you have asked for this same favor.”
But then suddenly as if possessed by something you hear yourself saying: “No Problem” “I can handle it” ‘I would be happy to help” “I got it, don’t worry about it”
How often do these phrases come out of your mouth? How often are they followed with the thought of “ugh, here we go again” “Why does it always fall on me?”or “REALLY? You couldn’t handle it”
We all want to be agreeable, helpful and nice. But too often our Acceptance builds into Resentment and we end up paying the price in anxiety, anger and exhaustion.
Here are 6 Danger Signs that Resentment is hiding under your Acceptance.
Inner Dialogue War: You walk away from the situation with an inner war going on. Half of you is bitter and angry that you didn’t step up and say no. Half of you is berating yourself for being so selfish and not wanting to be there for another mother. These 2 halves spend much of the day warring without any real conclusion.
Short Tempered: As you get back in the car, your husband calls and you pick a fight about whose job it is to make dinner. Because your plans just got destroyed you immediately take it out on him that he is not helpful enough.
Gossip/Passive Aggressive: While you agree to watch her kids you find yourself talking about her to the other mother’s at school. Or making digs at her to your husband. Or even maybe even taking it out on her kids. Again, when we aren’t saying what we really mean it oozes out in other places.
Increased Anxiety: When we aren’t listening to ourselves and speaking up our anxiety can go through the roof. On one hand you already had your day planned–now you have to reschedule your life, rearranging priorities and needs. Secondly, when you aren’t speaking up for yourself resentment increases which causes our anxiety to sky rocket.
Exhausted: You find yourself exhausted by the end of the day. Yes, you are busy and over-worked. However, when we aren’t living congruently meaning we are saying Yes when we want to say No it is draining. This in congruency takes it’s toll leaving us tired, defeated and disengaged. Not to mention the toll of putting other’s needs first ahead of our own priorities and errands–therefore leaving us having to scramble last minute.
Confusion-why don’t they get it?: This is the number one sign of resentment–utter confusion of why don’t they get it? Sometimes we think we are sending signals that we don’t want to do something while the words “yes” are coming out of our mouths. But usually those signals are so small and minute that they are barely noticeable. They don’t get it because you aren’t SAYING it. Bottom line if you aren’t looking out for your needs and priorities no one else is going to.
Recognizing that resentment is showing up in your life is the first step. Building awareness around WHEN and WITH WHOM you tend to say yes when you mean no is the next. And slowly learning how to speak your needs, stand up for yourself and say NO consistently is the next. Check out this helpful Live Happier QA for a great tip.
Are you suffering from any of these symptoms? Has Resentment snuck up on your Acceptance tendencies? Do you have other symptoms you would share? Please share below in the comments–I know you aren’t alone!!