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Feeling Paralyzed I was Too…Here’s What I Did About it.

I am a professional who’s job it is to help people overcome their Monger. The voice in their head that shames and limits them.  And man oh man has my Monger voice been chatting lately about what has been happening in our country.

I wanted to write a quick blog because I assume your Monger’s voice is chatting a lot too.  Social Media is filled with messages of hate and inspiration shock and awe and utter disbelief. We as a country, as a population are stunned at the ugliness within us.

Over the past few days, I have felt anger and rage like never before.  As I read FB posts and watch the news, I felt more and more paralyzed.  I realized today that my Monger was taking over the show. She was crippling me with shame and guilt. And shame and guilt aren’t helping anything right now. I realized that shame and guilt are why I have always played on the fringes of social justice issues. I always felt like I was going to do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing.

As I have done more and more work on overcoming my inner critic the one thing that keeps coming up over and over is we have to own it.  So today I decided I needed to start owning my story.  That I am a white woman, who comes from a small town in the Midwest. My world is privileged and white. And if I am honest, I find that embarrassing and comforting all at the same time.  Own that I work every day to overcome my prejudices, and sometimes I do well, and sometimes I don’t.

Own the feelings:  I am scared, lost, nervous angry, fearful, insecure, confused and ignorant.

I heard someone say yesterday there is a difference between racism and willful racism.  We have all been raised in racism from my grandfather’s willfully racist jokes to my tendency to grab my purse tighter when a black man passes me on the street.

Owning that I am a racist is tough.  Owning that there is a difference between racism and willful racism is the voice of the biggest fan giving me that wiggle room. I am not a willful racist.  But my Monger can make me feel like one 🙁  Which leads me to feel paralyzed and stuck.

I don’t know the best place to start. I don’t know the right thing to say. I do know I need to own it.  Own where I am coming from own where I have been.

Owning it is hard. It is messy.  But when we own it, when we bring it all to the light of day we can then decide what to do next: where to donate, where to protest, who to write.  What action to take. Because sitting in spinning about what a terrible person you are or blaming others for being terrible people isn’t helping anyone.

We got this.

xoxox-

Nancy Jane

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