Hi, and welcome. You are listening to The Happiness Hacks podcast formerly Stories from A Quest to Live Happier. Same format, just a different name and I’m your host, Nancy Jane Smith. I’m a licensed professional counselor, and in this podcast, I share my stories, my lessons, and hacks I’ve learned, and I continue to learn in my quest to live happier. This is Episode 54, You’re Gonna Do It Wrong.
Hey there, so glad to be back chatting with y’all. Today I wanna talk about a jarring statement, the phrase “you’re gonna do it wrong” and how that phrase changed my perspective on a lot of things. Recently I was out with a friend; we were at happy hour chatting about live happier stuff and how to be better people, (which is the geeky stuff that my friends and I do.) And she said to me it really changed everything for me when I started thinking the phrase “you’re just gonna do it wrong.” At first, it was jarring to me to be like, “What, do it wrong? Why would you be telling yourself you’re gonna do it wrong”, and then I realized she’s saying it in a let me take the expectation that it’s going to go 100% right, let me take that expectation off the table.
Instead of the idea of your inner critic saying, “you’re going to do it wrong.” Say to yourself, “This is probably not going to go well. It’s probably going to go wrong; I’m going to make the wrong choice because I don’t really know what’s going to happen next.” “I might say the wrong thing. I might pick the wrong baby step. I’m shooting in the dark here, so I don’t the correct way so I’m just going to pick something, and it might be wrong.”
When you can give yourself permission that whatever you pick next might be wrong and that’s okay because at least you’re picking something. You’re making a move. You’re taking a baby step. So often our inner critics convince us we have to pick the perfect next step. That whatever we do next has to be right on target, the perfect plan, the perfect thing to say, the perfect phrase.
Instead of saying the perfect thing, (because there is no such thing as perfect), we tend to do nothing. It shows up a lot in our lives when we’re going to go try something new or we’re meeting a new friend or we’re branching out in some way and we’ll convince ourselves not to do anything rather than do it wrong.
I think that’s just such a fascinating way of looking at it, that if you can tell yourself, “I’m going to do this wrong, but I’m going to take a step anyway. I’m going to have a good intention of getting all the facts I possibly can and making the most informed decision moving forward and when I do it wrong I’m going to make a new step. I’m going to go a new way, I’m going to do it differently. “
That idea that if I can embrace the fact that I’m going to do it wrong anyway, might as well try something, we get a little further.
If you’re in a spot in your life where you’re feeling stuck, and the inner critic, the monger as I call it. It’s very wily, and it convinces us not to make a move until it’s perfect. Not to do anything until it’s perfect. That is why procrastination is one of the big signs that you are being infiltrated and overrun by the monger. If you are feeling procrastination and you’re waiting for the perfect time, or you’re waiting for the perfect thought or the perfect voice or the perfect words you’ll never make any moves at all.
It shows up in little tiny ways, this idea of oh my gosh I have to do it perfectly, and I can’t do it wrong. It shows up in conversations we have with our loved ones; it shows up in projects we have at work, it shows up in creative projects that we want to engage in, in our free time.
It shows up all the time that we silently convince ourselves you can’t move forward; you can’t do that because you might do it wrong. When you notice yourself saying one thing, but not taking action on it, so you say “I really wanna be doing more art.”
“I really wanna be connecting in a different way with my spouse.” Or
“I really wanna be at work fully engaged, and showing up, and putting my hat into the ring and entering in the work arena 100%.”
And you notice yourself saying those things or thinking those things and not acting on those things that usually means you have been attacked by your inner monger who’s convincing you that you have to do it perfectly right before you do anything.
That’s where that phrase of “Oh my gosh, I’m gonna do it wrong, I’m gonna do it wrong,” and that’s okay. I’m gonna do it wrong and make a new choice. It’s not oh my gosh you’re gonna do it wrong, and you’re a terrible person, it’s I’m going to do it wrong, and then I’m going to figure out how to do it differently after that. I’m going to move on. It’s totally taking back the phrase “I’m gonna do it wrong,” and taking it back in an empowering way to say, “Yup, you go it I’m gonna do this wrong and because I’m gonna do it wrong I’m gonna figure out the best way to do it.”
In order to make any steps, in order to make any changes, in order to engage in anything we have to embrace the fact that it might not go well right off the bat and that’s okay. We’re still going to be okay because it’s okay if we do it wrong because we have control and can take it back. When that message plays there over and over and over again, you’re gonna do it wrong, you’re gonna do it wrong, you’re gonna do it wrong, and we don’t take it back in an empowering way it keeps us stuck. It keeps us in procrastination mode. It keeps us from making and little, tiny changes in our lives and that is why we have to challenge that monger voice that tells us you’re gonna do it wrong and say yes I am and then I’m gonna figure out how to do it even better.
One thing that has really helped me Live Happier is adding regular ritual practices to my daily life so each week I am going to be sharing a ritual with you and challenge you to complete it
I know it sounds crazy!! Stay with me. When I hear my Monger (inner critic) chiming at me I will wiggle my body as a way to remind myself to get some wiggle room. Our Mongers tend to think in black and white right and wrong and life is in the gray. So in an effort to get some wiggle room, I wiggle my body and ask What Would My Biggest Fan say?
Check out my Instagram where I share my daily check in with the weekly ritual practice. It is a helpful way for both of us to stay accountable to the practice.
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