Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?

Episode 009: Dealing with the First Responder

Episode 009n

 Tips on how to deal with your first responders AKA shame, inner critic, bully, mongers, gremlins etc.

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Show Notes/Partial Transcript:

Tips for dealing with the First Responder:

Remind yourself that it is probably a First Responder. When our Bullys jump in guns blazing…lovingly remind yourself that it is just a First Responder trying to keep things safe and secure.

Remind yourself of the old saying ‘first thought wrong’. Frequently when you can tell yourself that the first thought is wrong you can then ask yourself to come up with a new thought. This new thought should be an easy loving phrase that  you can repeat to yourself in order to remind yourself that you are ok. Such as, “I got this.” “Self care is ok”. “I am qualified and competent.”

Remember courage is not the absence of fear. Anytime we make a change we are going to be scared and fearful.  Our Bullys serve us by pointing out where bad things might be happening (admittedly, their approach is a at times quite mean) it is our job to chose to listen or not.  Remind yourself that you have a choice, you don’t have to accept everything they say at face value.

Basically we are all driving our own bus, and our passengers are our Bullys.  Our job as the bus driver is to be clear on our destination, and the Bullys job as the passengers are to keep us safe and protected and therefore to basically stop the bus.  As we are driving the bus, one by one the Bullys will come up to the front of the bus and let us know why we shouldn’t  continue  on our destination.  They will take turns giving their particular reason as to why we should stop the bus. Each Bully has a different job, self doubt, ‘who do you think you are’, fear, or ‘you can’t do that’ (to name a few).  Our job as the bus driver is to be really clear about our destination, not listen to the Bullys and keep driving the bus.

I love this analogy because the number one way I have found to deal with the Bullys is to physically acknowledge and the diminish their power.  This bus driving analogy gives me an easy. practical, visual  and physical way of acknowledging and diminishing.  In my own world, the Bullys tend to come out and play more when I am trying to write.  As I sit down to write and begin my process, I will eventually be inundated with ‘you can’t do that’,’ who are you to write that’, ‘you have had no real training’.  And before I know it the last thing I want to do is write, and I find myself sitting in front of the TV watching Real Housewives. Recently I have tried this visual as I have been writing.  When I am sitting at my computer, it is like I am driving the bus and as the Bullys come up to whisper in my ear I can turn to them and ask them to take their seat and visualize them returning, because I am driving to the completed book destination!!  Having this image in my head combined with the physical act of turning and telling the Bully to sit down has made a HUGE difference in both my writing and my Bully defeating.

Remind yourself of what is most important to you. Check in with your wise self to find out what type of life you want to be living and whether the actions you are taking fit that life.  If the answer is yes, and you are still getting hammered by your Bully, return to lovingly reminding your Bully of your priorities.

 

Weekly Ritual Segment:

One thing that has really helped me Live Happier is adding regular ritual practices to my daily life so each week I am going to be sharing a ritual with you and challenge you to complete it

Savor a Meal

Pick one meal each day and savor it. Take the time to sit down and enjoy the meal. Savor each bite, pay attention to how it tastes and feels in your mouth.

Too often we rush through our meals and multi-task through them. This week try to savor at least one meal a day.

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