Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?
The concept of the magic button is one of my favorite topics…and one I discuss with my clients frequently. In this episode, you will learn about why letting go of the magic button was a life changing move for me and what I do when the desire to find the magic button pops up.
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The magic button is the belief that something OUT there will fix me, if only I can find it.
For YEARS I believed that if I found the right book, the right counselor the right information I would be fixed. I would be whole and happy and everything would be ok. I swear I could have made a killing if I would have purchased stock in Barnes and Noble because I have my own private library in self help books. To be clear, self help books I only skimmed, never actually read. I swear that if I osmosis with books worked all my issues would be HEALED!
In my 20s and 30s, I had created a life where I looked outside for most of my answers…from my parents to my professors to my friends to societal norms. Everything I did was because someone told me it would be a good idea. I didn’t have the ability to look inside. I honestly don’t know if I didn’t have the ability or if I didn’t trust myself to look inside.
And then eventually…after ending up in tears on the porch of my new home I thought to myself I SHOULD BE HAPPY what is my problem. I practiced gratitude which we will talk about my love hate relationship with gratitude in another episode but that gratitude was hollow because even though I was grateful for my life and all its many blessings it wasn’t MY life…it was designed around someone else. My quest for the magic button had ended up leaving me bitter, sad and resentful. Fortunately, I found a therapist who helped me learn that it is ok to trust myself and she gave me tools for how to listen to myself and stop looking for a magic button to fix everything.
And it has been a work in progress. Whenever I want to make a change, my first inclination is to ALWAYS look outside myself. Even this weekend I have been on a quest to make peace with food long story short I am tired of gaining and losing the same 30 lbs and I want to finally make peace with food and weight.
So I spent much of the weekend reading about intuitive eating (something I know about already) and I was tempted to buy all these programs about intuitive eating so someone could tell me HOW to eat intuitively. I talked to friends, I talked to my husband I asked around. NOW I am not saying getting help is a bad thing…but this is how you know you are looking for a magic button you aren’t looking for just help you are looking for THE easy answer…a magic button
I have at least 5 books on this subject and have already paid a health coach a couple of years ago to help me on this subject…But I hadn’t implemented anything. SO my quest this weekend to find MORE information was a QUEST to find the magic button.
The things is, And as long as you are on the QUEST to find the magic button you aren’t not DOING anything. I wasn’t acting on any of the principles I know about intuitive eating I was waiting for an easy answer…a simple solution…a magic button.
I spent much of the weekend consumed with anxiety and angst and then this am I woke up and said OK you need to implement. You need to put into action what you know and do it pick one action. So I picked being present in the moment. Sounds easy…but it is far from it. To be honest, it is no magic button but the angst, anxiety and perfectionism have vanished and in stead I am left with me just me trusting myself and being present. So this morning I have been pulling myself repeatedly back to being present. And each time it has brought me a sense of peace and action. The quest for the magic button is on pause (for now).
SO I am curious am I alone in this? How much time do you spend searching for the magic button? Food and diets is an easy example. But we also do it with living happier. We look for a quick fix to live happier…the perfect job, more money, the dream home etc. Here’s a clue whenever you are saying…if only or When I ___ you are on a quest to find the magic button.
Most of us want to live happier. The quest to live happier starts with us. It starts by asking yourself what are my priorities, what do I value, how am I spending my time, do I want to be engaging in these activities. Living Happier is built on small intentional steps that you take every single day. Not a magic button.
Live Happier Q&A Segment:
Today’s question is: “I feel so off base. I am no where near living happier my job is draining everything out of me and while I have a wonderful husband and great kids I am too tired and grouchy to spend any time with them..HELP!!” Listen to the podcast for my answer.
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