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Embracing My Mess: Things I Don’t Want You to Know

Welcome to 2017! In the spirit of Living Happier and embracing the messiness of life I am all about telling your truth: the good, the amazing and the ugly. Too often we waste our lives hustling (a.k.a. moving so fast so we can convince ourselves that we are keeping others from seeing our flaws, quirks, and growth points).  In the past few months, my need to hustle and perform had become even greater. When I am hustling, life loses its luster. Because questing perfection is BORING, the sweet spot is in the mess.

So I am starting 2017 by embracing my mess and sharing with you ‘what is’ in my life the flaws, quirks and growth points (my beautiful mess)

My biggest desire and my biggest torture is the desire to do it right. I want to do everything right from making dinner to writing a blog post. Doing it right, is the bain of my existence and prevents me from me from showing up for my life. The quest for ‘right’ is paralyzing. I can spend hours analyzing how to do it right and what that looks like and what that means. I have adopted the motto “There is no right, ” and frequently when I say it to myself I am genuinely surprised to hear that there is no right. (yes, my inner critic is that strong)

I have railed against the idea of slowing down, meditating and taking deep breaths for most of my life. I HATE it when someone tells me to breathe (my nearest and dearest does it quite frequently) or slow down. I am proud of my go, go, go mentality and letting it go is HARD. AND I have found that the ONLY way to make real change is, to slow down and breathe. Work in progress. (Trust me the irony that I teach on Reducing Stress isn’t lost on me)

I often feel like a fraud because life is hard and even though I teach that life is messy I want to have the answers. I see so many people in pain and I want to take that pain away and give them a formula for never having to feel pain again. AND pain is a part of life. No one said this was easy, but I sometimes feel the pressure to make it so.

I sometimes feel overwhelmed that I get to do this work, “Who do you think you are?” is another favorite phrase of my inner critic. Followed quickly by “if I do it right, I will feel confident.”

I tell myself I have to live all my teachings 100% perfectly. Here’s a SHOCKER: I don’t. I frequently push down my feelings with sugar, I have to remind myself to lean into my husband, I LOVE playing games on my iPad while watching TV, I get stuck in people pleasing, and I am quite the control freak (see reminding myself to lean into my husband).

I am a home body. I love being at home, and if left to my own devices I would take that love to an extreme. I often need the push to get out of the house for things OTHER than work. (I am usually grateful that I did get out of the house, but that initial push is HARD.)

I love variety in my life and often wish I could pick one thing and stick with it. But I hate being pigeon-holed. I am constantly looking for the next great thing, so I frequently beat myself up for seeking change rather than accepting what is.

I genuinely love my life. It is full of doubt, guilt, shame, insecurity, and pain but it is also jam-packed with laughter, warmth, joy, compassion, genuine friends, and family who always have my back.

In reality, this post is probably more for me than you :).  I believe that when we own “what is” we can be happier. The pain comes when we try to cover up and hide from our reality. Living Happier is all about slowing down, being present and embracing what is. AND I am hoping that by sharing my beautiful mess you will be inspired to share yours (not necessarily here, but with yourself, with your partner or with someone safe in your own life.)

Wishing you a wonderfully messy 2017.

 

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