Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?
f you have been following me you know I have recently opened a new space called the Live Happier Loft. This new space is one of the reasons it has been so quiet here on the blog. Over the past month, I have received a lot of questions and curiosity about the Loft and wanted to write some blog posts addressing those questions. So over the next few weeks I will be talking about the Loft and what it means to me and what you can expect from this space.
One of the reasons I stopped doing career counseling as a specialty was that inevitably after we figured out what someone’s career was they would return to my office saying some version of,”That can’t be it…let’s keep looking.” Sometimes the career we had settled on wasn’t the right fit. But more often, the career was a great fit…but the pull of the doubts, fears and insecurities (aka Mongers) was just too great. So people decide that the particular career must not be a good fit–when in reality it was the lack of resilience to the Mongers. Monger Resilience is something that can be learned. Mongers are a part of us–I believe they will always be a part of us no matter how aware or self-actualized we became. However, the stronger our resilience to Mongers the less of a limiting influence they have on our lives.
I have been doing a lot of Monger wrangling over the past few weeks. Since I started building the Live Happier Loft–my Mongers have most definitely reared their ugly heads. They were there when I signed the lease, when I ordered the furniture, and when I turned the key and walked in to the Loft. They were there saying all the same familiar phrases:
“Who do you think you are?!?!”
“No one is going to come to this place.”
“This is such a stupid idea.”
They even got a little specific:
“That chair sucks, it looks cheap”
“Those lights are silly”
You get the idea…
I admit, there have been many moments filled with Mongers…but the Mongers didn’t win. They fought a good fight, they worked hard to keep me small and safe. Fortunately, my wise voice was just a little too strong for them. My Wise Voice–held her ground. She quietly and lovingly said,
“We can do this”
“This is a great idea..just hang in there.”
“You have lots of great support, you will be fine”
“Ask for help when you need it”
As I said in my blog last week…this dream has been around for awhile but the Mongers were just too great for me to begin to deal with them. My resiliency was low for this particular Monger fight. And that was ok. Sometimes we have to be patient with ourselves and the BIG DREAMS. Because dealing with those Mongers can be tough!!! In fact it can be a full time job. Whenever we are taking a risk, signing up for a new idea, doing something different. We are going to have to deal with out Mongers. The problem is when we don’t recognize that the incessant chatter of negativity and insecurity is in fact a Monger and not the truth of the situation.
If you have a big dream that is being shot down by your Monger patrol…just start noticing how much is a Monger Message and how much is the truth of the situation. Then slowly, start building up your Wise Voice. Start building some strength around the power of your dream. That is why I always say baby steps, baby steps, baby steps. As you leap to the next step, notice the Mongers, appreciate the Mongers and hold on tight to your Wise Voice.
And remember, I will be here holding on tight to my Wise Voice as well.
Hope to see you there!!