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Don’t Speak to Me Like That.


Imagine this scenario.

You are headed to a lunch with friends. As you walk into the restaurant the hostess says to you, “Nice dress…what made you think pink was a good color on you.”

You find your friends and you give them all a quick hug. As she is pulling away your friend Sandy says, “Have you gained some weight? You felt a little soft around the middle”.

You take your seat to look through the menu.  Everyone is discussing whether to have a glass of wine or not and as you speak up that wine sounds good Melissa looks at you and says “REALLY!?!  You need those extra calories…drinking in the middle of the day, that is pretty pathetic.”

You tell the waitress that you would like a Reuben and a glass of Red and she says, “WHAT?!?!…do you know how fatty a Reuben is…I think a salad would be a better choice!”

After lunch everyone is enjoying their drinks and discussing the latest events around town.  You chime in about a project you are excited about at work and Mandy chimes in, “Well who do you think you are?!, Must think you are pretty special if you think you can successfully handle that event.”

As you make your way home you accidentally pull out in front of another car, at the next light they pull up next to you and scream, “Idiot…where did you get your license?!?!”.

Can you imagine???  Can you imagine if everyone in your life talked to you this way.  I doubt you would be this calm.  I doubt you would just take it.  You would be angry..disappointed…sad. You would react with a quick come back or at the very least a ‘be quiet, mind you own business”.

But for many of us…these are the comments that go on in our heads all day long.  No one is verbally saying them out loud but we are hearing them day in and day out all day long.  Our Monger’s are silently speaking them to ourselves.

Imagine if all day long you had a person following you around verbalizing what your Monger repeats all day long in your head. You would be annoyed, you would be infuriated, you would be astounded.  The only difference is that our Mongers voices aren’t heard by anyone else but ourselves.  And so they become a buzzing sound of negativity. An all day long hammer of ourselves.

The fact that we associate our Monger’s voice with the truth, makes me sad because it is our Wise Voice that truly speaks the truth.  The calm, loving voice of reason.  When we can start recognizing that the negative voice inside our head is not actually the Wise Voice we can start shifting.

I have found the best way to rid ourselves of the Mongers that plague us is to personify them.  To give them an identity separate from us.

I have created a simple questionnaire that you can download that will help you Get Curious about your Monger. I have had clients do this exercise and I have witnessed how bringing our Mongers to life will reduce their power.

At July’s Creative Saturday event we will be actively creating both our Mongers AND our Wise Voice.  Through drawing, coloring, painting or creating a collage we will be personifying these two parts of ourselves.  So you will have visual of what your Mongers looks like and so whenever you hear that yippy voice you can remind visualize them outside of your head and lovingly ask them to leave the room.  You can also visualize your Wise Voice and all it’s wisdom.

Unfortunately, Mongers will always exist we are hard wired to be critical of ourselves. BUT through actively engaging them, personifying them and lovingly showing them the door we can decrease their intensity and frequency.

I hope you will join us at the Creative Saturday Event–next Saturday July 26th 1-4:30pm.  To learn more and register click here.

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