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We all have them: negative thoughts, that voice in the back of your head that says, “you are a terrible mom”, “you can’t do that”, “who do you think you are”, and on and on and on. It chimes at us throughout the day creating doubt, anxiety, depression, insecurity and overall stuckness.
Experts disagree on where this voice comes from theories range from it is your ego, your lizard brain, your limiting beliefs, even your parents limiting beliefs. You can call it your evil twin, gremlins, vampire, demons or as I like to say your monger. Regardless of how you refer to it–it is THERE and bottom line it is NOT HELPFUL. In fact, it is causing out and out damage.
A monger according to Merriam-Webster is:
“something who attempts to stir up or spread something that is usually petty or discreditable”.
And pretty much that is what our mongers are doing trying to get us to believe something that isn’t 100% true. It isn’t EVIL it isn’t out to get us it is just trying to make us believe something that isn’t 100% true. We can give 1,000 reasons as to why it is doing this: to keep us safe, to protect us from danger, because our parents, teachers, relatives or friends told it to. The WHY doesn’t really matter the point is that the monger acts out.
To be honest, most of us aren’t even aware of how much the monger is talking to us. It can chat all day every day and many people are just unaware. They know they are feeling more anxious or stressed but they are unaware that it is coming from an internal voice belittling, name calling and being plain nasty.
People aren’t immune to the monger they are just unaware.
Here are some scenarios in which the monger tends to get chatty:
Scenario 1: You are taking a risk trying a new task. It is stressful and challenging and before you know it you have quit mid-stream to grab a drink, take a nap, or eat a bag of cookies. What really happened: The whole time you were working on the task, your monger was talking to you, telling you how much you sucked and how you will fail. You didn’t necessarily hear the monger but you got so discouraged, exhausted and scared that you gave up and went to soothe yourself.
Scenario 2: You are driving home, listening to music feeling pretty good and by the time you get home you are pissed off and angry so you scream at your kids and pick on your partner the rest of the night. What really happened: The monger was talking to you the whole time you were driving, telling you how worthless you are and what a failure your day was. Again, you didn’t hear the monger but in the process he/she created anxiety and insecurity which you then went home and took out on your kids.
As a rule your monger tends to get chatty when you are alone and not distracted and when you are trying something new. But it can chat all day every day if it wants to.
The key is for you to pay attention to:
- What does your mongers voice sound like? Mean, scared, evil, belittling, passive aggressive
- When does your monger get chatty?
- What is your reaction when you monger is chatty? Eating, drinking, shopping, watching TV, taking a nap, or working even harder–to name a few
Tomorrow we will talk about next steps after you have gotten more aware of your monger.
Until then, remember, your monger is not to be feared or hated. It is a part of you and its power can be diminished.
How does your monger talk to you? What things tend to set it loose?