Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?
I am a big believer that when our mongers come out in full force…we are usually on to something good in our lives. It is so counter-intuitive but I have seen it in my life and my clients’ lives that whenever we start making great strides towards a goal or intention…our mongers come out to tell us how much we suck.
I experienced this effect hard core this week. Last week, we had an amazing Open House at the Loft I was featured on TV and overall there was a lot of great buzz around my work. Good news, right? Well, not according to my mongers. By Friday I had bought their lies hook, line and sinker and had worked myself into such a state I was ready to throw in the towel on the loft and set up permanent residence in my bed (ok, that might be exaggerated for affect, but you get what I am saying.)
So I walked my talk and I reached out to my support people and confessed I was struggling. And they did what amazing support people do they re-framed my Mongers, they presented the other more rational side, they told me to relax, be patient and practice self-compassion. And it worked. My mongers packed their bags and I again felt like myself.
One of the greatest lessons, I learned from working with Brené Brown’s teaching is the concept of resilience. We are all building resilience against fear, shame, anxiety or whatever negative thought process we have. The kicker, is we aren’t going to MASTER these process, we are going to build resilience around them. Discovering that mastery isn’t going to happen, allows me to practice more self-compassion when shame, doubt and fear take over.
So many of us want to learn the lesson and move on. We want to master the concept and never again be taunted by Mongers, Shame or Fear. But that is not how it works. The key to Mongers, shame and fear is not mastery (because that just doesn’t exist) the key is building resilience; or shortening the loop as I call it.
The Loop is the timeframe from when you notice that you mongers have taken over to when you implement your support team and coping mechanisms.
Growth occurs as this loop gets smaller and smaller. Five years ago my Mongers took up residency in my brain they brought their luggage, moved in and set up camp. My Mongers use to be like the creatures on the Mucinex commercials who set up camp, that is what my mongers use to do…they would hang around for weeks. Now they still show up but most of the time, they barely get their luggage opened before I am on to them. The ‘most of the time’ part of that sentence is the challenge piece, because even loop closing is not a linear concept.
Sometimes I am quickly recognize my Mongers and take action and sometimes like this past week they stick around a little longer.
But I am building resiliency.
I am practicing self-compassion.
I am reaching out to my support peeps.
I am closing the loop.
I would love to hear from you in the comments: How do you close the loop? Can you relate to the concept of mastery/building resiliency?