Noticing the Monger

This weekend for a variety of reasons, my 'Monger' came out to play. Not necessarily with a message of fear, just the generally negative voice that pops up now and then and spreads messages of despair, fear, and negativity.

The concept that constantly amazes me about the Monger, whether they be fear, doubt, insecurity, or shame, is how easily they can come in and take residency. I love the term Monger because it so accurately describes these voices--someone who spreads negative propaganda to get you to go their way. In reality, that is what this voice is doing, feeding us negative propaganda to keep us safe, keep us contained and protect us from getting hurt. But in her desire to keep us so protected, she ends up hurting us---like an overprotective parent who can love too much.

The most amazing part about the Monger's voice is how comfortable she feels how easily she goes unnoticed. It wasn't until almost 24 hours into the visit that I recognized she was there. She hid in birthday celebrations and other events.

So many books are written on facing your fears and dealing with the gremlins of our lives—valuable books. But I would argue the first step is even RECOGNIZING you have a Monger or a fear that has taken up residence in your brain.

It sounds counterintuitive, but in so many ways, my Monger is safe and comfortable. Like an old sweater that feels so soft, but after you wear it, you realize it is thin and baggy and has holes in it, and it is itchy. So too are the mongers, they come in as our friends feeding us comfort and safety, but in reality, their job is to keep us stuck in our old patterns. Feeling sorry for ourselves, holding old grudges, reopening old wounds so that we can obsess about them all over again.

These tapes and voices are so familiar I hardly recognize them as a Monger until well into my "monger pattern," which for me is to disengage (e.g.watch TV, play computer games, and overeat.) My Monger disguised this laziness in the message of "it's your birthday, do whatever you want." My Monger loves to convince me just to hang, be lazy, disconnect, shut down, tune out. And then she goes to town, wooing me with her words of negativity and insecurity. Until 24 hours in, I am too sloth-like to wage any resistance.

But this weekend was different. This weekend I dealt with my Monger in a new way. Yes, it took me a while to recognize the old pattern (honestly over 24 hours), but when I did, I had a little chat with my Monger, telling her how it would be different. The changes were incremental, but they were there. I stopped obsessing over old wounds and beating myself up over situations long past. I thanked my Monger for showing up, listened briefly to her message, and then asked her to move along. I then got up off the couch and re-engaged with life.

This weekend was a wonderful reminder of how left unchecked our Monger can woo us into submission. She can keep us safe and accepting second best. Through this awareness of how often our Monger is taking up residency, actual change can come. So this week, I challenge you to stop and listen. Pay attention to how often your Monger speaks to you. What is your 'monger pattern' (activities you engage in when the Monger has won)? I am not saying LISTEN to the voices, necessarily, but merely noticing them and the patterns they cause. Knowing these signs and patterns is step one in making lasting change in decreasing the hold and power of the Monger.