Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?

Be A Little Kind

Be a little kind.  I heard these words a few months ago as I was listening to one of my favorite authors Tara Brach.  Recently, I used them with a client.  She was in a stuck place between the practicalities of her life and what she dreamed of doing.  On a deeper level, she was stuck in a place between her fear monger and wanting to live happier.

So at the end of one of her laments about why she couldn’t do what it was she wanted to do, I said,  “Remember to get clarity, you need to be a little kind, ” and she looked at me with horror.  Her first response was, “I am kind” and I said, “really?” and she looked shocked, “of course, I would describe myself as very kind,” and I quickly said, “to yourself?” A small knowing smile stretched across her face, nd she said, “Wow, I never thought about it like that”.  Which is exactly what I had thought when I heard the words from Tara.

So often we see the phrase Be Kind or Be Nice or Show Some Compassion and we think outwardly.  And then most of us think, yes I do that I am kind to others. But internally we are the complete opposite of kind, we are downright cruel.

The life changing realization is that the anger and cruelty we hammer ourselves with…does nothing.  Let me say that again…when we are unkind to ourselves we are not serving ourselves, not serving the universe, not serving anything but our own ‘stuckness’.  That ‘stuckness’ keeps us unhappy.  That ‘stuckness’ keeps us anxious, full of dread and fear.  That ‘stuckness’ is down right miserable.

Yet, sometimes, unfortunately, we just need to be stuck.  From that place of stuck amazing growth can occur.  If you are stuck in your life, stuck between 2 choices, stuck in figuring out what’s next, stuck in ‘the meantime’ then make sure you are being a little  kind to yourself.  Because only when we are kind to ourselves, can true growth enter.  Only when we are as gentle, loving and nurturing with ourselves as we are with our children or friends does real clarity occur.

I know in my own life, I might hang out in stuck for a while and then I remember…the only way out is in.  And so I start to embrace myself with a little more caring a little more love. Inevitably, the insights come…the momentum shifts and I know which way is best for me to move forward.

When we are kind to ourselves, we can truly get in touch with what we really want, what we really need, what is most important.  When we are kind we allow ourselves to just BE and through this stillness clarity steps in.  As it did for my client, a few weeks later, after practicing the concept of Being A Little Kind, my client had new clarity and vision.  In fact, she had an outright plan for how to change her life managing both the practicalities as all as the dreams.

So if you are trying to live happier.  Trying to make some tough choices, trying to live at your edge, trying to move through transition—remember rule #1 Be a Little Kind.

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