A Strong Person Knows How to be Vulnerable
Last week I received an e-mail forward. I admit I usually don't read them, but this one entitled A Strong Person intrigued me. The first line said A Strong Person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they manage to say, "I'm OK" with a smile.
As I read that line, I immediately cringed. I continually struggle with my internal war over the definition of a strong person.
"put on your brave face and stay strong."
"a strong person doesn't let them see you sweat.
"a strong person puts on a front and pretends all is well when in reality they are crumbling.
Well, I call BS on that statement. This idea of being strong has caused many of us to live lives of quiet desperation. To "suck it up" rather than ask the question, "How can I do it differently?" To put all our energy into "looking OK," we never have the chance to experience emotions and grow from them. In my mind, a strong person:
admits it's hard.
allows themselves to have a good long cry, screaming match, or hissy fit.
expresses the necessary emotions and allows themselves to feel the vulnerability and lack of control.
admits everything is not OK and asks for help when necessary.
shows their emotions and picks up the pieces, and moves on. A strong person does both.
Because when we don't experience the emotions, don't express the pain in the presence of another person, and have a witness to our lives and our experience, we can't grow from it; we can't spiral up.
When we suck it up, say "I'm OK with a smile," then we aren't being genuine. Sometimes life is hard, and sometimes we are dealt a series of blows. Sometimes we are exhausted, tired, frustrated, and just plain sad. In those times, we need to admit our struggles and exhaustion. Lean on those close to us for support. Strength comes from vulnerability, not from bravery.
The times in my life when the most changes have occurred are those times when I have been on my knees, crying in exhaustion, weak and vulnerable, and I have said I need to find a different way. Tired and weary from "being strong," I have allowed myself to admit my weakness, and then I have sought to make a change.
Living Happier means experiencing the yin and yang of life, being 'strong' and being 'vulnerable' both in their own time. When we are too much of any one thing, we miss out on the richness of life. When we get stuck in our fear, we aren't serving ourselves any more than when we are stuck in our strength--but we need to experience BOTH to move through life in a healthier, happier way.