Want to stop losing your cool with those you love?
I have frequently talked about the fear monger on this blog. The fear monger is just one of the many mongers we have to deal with on a day to day basis. The definition of a monger being: someone who’s job it is to promote something unpleasant. So we all have fear mongers, whose job it is to promote fear and uncertainty. We also have the self doubt monger, the ‘who do you think you are?’ monger, the shame monger, the guilt monger and on and on. Their jobs are to promote negative feelings in order to keep us safe and protected and small.
The other day a client and I were talking about the power of these mongers. It seems no matter what decisions we make, how resolved we may feel, or how supported we are in those decisions..we will always have to deal with our mongers. This client was telling me about a wonderful analogy that he thinks of when he has to deal with his mongers–he said he read it somewhere but couldn’t remember where.
Basically we are all driving our own bus, and our passengers are our mongers. Our job as the bus driver is to be clear on our destination, and the mongers job as the passengers are to keep us safe and protected and therefore to basically stop the bus. As we are driving the bus, one by one the mongers will come up to the front of the bus and let us know why we shouldn’t continue on our destination. They will take turns giving their particular reason as to why we should stop the bus. Each monger has a different job, self doubt, ‘who do you think you are’, fear, or ‘you can’t do that’ (to name a few). Our job as the bus driver is to be really clear about our destination, not listen to the mongers and keep driving the bus.
I love this analogy because the number one way I have found to deal with the mongers is to physically acknowledge and the diminish their power. This bus driving analogy gives me an easy. practical, visual and physical way of acknowledging and diminishing. In my own world, the mongers tend to come out and play more when I am trying to write. As I sit down to write and begin my process, I will eventually be inundated with ‘you can’t do that’,’ who are you to write that’, ‘you have had no real training’. And before I know it the last thing I want to do is write, and I find myself sitting in front of the TV watching Real Housewives. Recently I have tried this visual as I have been writing. When I am sitting at my computer, it is like I am driving the bus and as the mongers come up to whisper in my ear I can turn to them and ask them to take their seat and visualize them returning, because I am driving to the completed book destination!! Having this image in my head combined with the physical act of turning and telling the monger to sit down has made a HUGE difference in both my writing and my monger defeating.
I highly recommend that you try this exercise/visual when you are dealing with your own mongers. Finding a way to physically acknowledge the mongers brings them into the room and prevents them from talking endlessly and unconsciously . Then physically diminishing them and asking them to leave, visualizing them returning to their seat and you back as the bus driver headed towards your destination gives you the power back. Let me know how it works for you!!
If this analogy sounds familiar to you and you know the source–please let me know in the comments section below! Thanks!!